I have decided to reread this book. I read it the first time about 2007 or so, and remember being very inspired, but I did not actively put the book to practice as it so clearly recommends. Nonetheless I found my life improved by it. Maybe not drastically so, but improved.
Now I want to try again. As the book recommends, I am reading each chapter twice. I hope I have the perseverance to finish this way of reading it. I have a tendency to let things go, and not in a good way!
The first task I am working on is to not criticize people. This is a hard one for me. Although I am a kind and friendly person, I criticize people all the time. Not to their faces, of course (...cuz I am kind and friendly, remember? I just said that, geez, get it together!) but in my head. It's pretty constant, too. Depending on my environment, it's a cacophony of seething, relentless, spiteful and degrading commentary. "You're such a brand snob," "You're not really working, you are just on FB," "No one cares about that band," "You don't like that style of pants because you have no ass," "Wow, you really are not that intelligent."
Yeah. It's bad. I have my work cut out for me. See the things is, although Dale Carnegie talks about verbal criticism, (and I do this as well, but not nearly as often) it's clear to me that ANY type of criticism is toxic, and my ability to develop sincere appreciation for the people I come into contact with (which is the next chapter of the book) is severely hampered when I am constantly criticizing them in my head.
Why do I do this? Why does anyone? Do we really pay attention to our inner dialogue, do we ask ourselves where that inclination, that habit of judging really comes from? Do you look at people, strangers and friends, and judge them all the time, or do you compare yourself to them and find yourself lacking? I am working on finding the root of my own tendency to do this, and in the meantime, I am going to practice eradicating criticism from my heart, mind and from my dialogue. I will let you know how it goes.
Monday, September 29, 2014
Wednesday, September 03, 2014
Laterblog: Torture of Smell
To the right of me, a woman eats delicious smelling pastries filled with gluten. My mouth waters. I long for the feel of moist (yes I said it), flavorful muffins and toasted bagels with cream cheese.
To my left, a man who keeps stepping out for a smoke.
These are my smells for duration of this conference. Stale cigarette smoke on a man's hands and clothes, and fresh pastries. This is a new form of torture.
I used to eat pastries and smoke cigarettes with the abandon of a teenager. Heck, I was a teenager for some of the time.
Now, in my 30s, both are forbidden to me, and one is stinky and gross and the other smells like heaven.
Sigh.
When will this conference be over?
To my left, a man who keeps stepping out for a smoke.
These are my smells for duration of this conference. Stale cigarette smoke on a man's hands and clothes, and fresh pastries. This is a new form of torture.
I used to eat pastries and smoke cigarettes with the abandon of a teenager. Heck, I was a teenager for some of the time.
Now, in my 30s, both are forbidden to me, and one is stinky and gross and the other smells like heaven.
Sigh.
When will this conference be over?
Things I find interesting
I lived in Minnesota for 18 years. I have now lived in Chicagoland for 18 years. Interesting!
During my time here, several people I know have moved from Chicago to Minnesota. Interesting!
Many of these people have, at one time or another, been a decently good friend of mine, but at the time of their move, the friendship had drifted (amicably) apart. Interesting!
Every once in awhile, I go home to Minnesota to visit family. Not so interesting. When I do, these people come out of the woodwork. "Let's hang out for old time sake!! It will be soo fun!!"
I have to say no, because my very short calendar is already full with family events, and speedy catch-ups with childhood friends. I think in my mind, "Too bad, that would have been fun!" I even feel a little guilty. One of these friends in particular tries really hard to make me feel guilty and sad for saying no to her.
Then, inevitably, some period of time later, I see on Facebook that they have been visiting Chicago. Having all sorts of fun. Hanging out with friends, visiting family. I have not been asked by them to hang out. (Their calendar is full!) But why then, do they work so hard to make me feel guilty for doing the exact same thing when I come home?
Hmmmm. Human nature. The nature of lack of perspective. The nature of forgetting. The nature of self-centeredness. The nature of humans. Interesting.
During my time here, several people I know have moved from Chicago to Minnesota. Interesting!
Many of these people have, at one time or another, been a decently good friend of mine, but at the time of their move, the friendship had drifted (amicably) apart. Interesting!
Every once in awhile, I go home to Minnesota to visit family. Not so interesting. When I do, these people come out of the woodwork. "Let's hang out for old time sake!! It will be soo fun!!"
I have to say no, because my very short calendar is already full with family events, and speedy catch-ups with childhood friends. I think in my mind, "Too bad, that would have been fun!" I even feel a little guilty. One of these friends in particular tries really hard to make me feel guilty and sad for saying no to her.
Then, inevitably, some period of time later, I see on Facebook that they have been visiting Chicago. Having all sorts of fun. Hanging out with friends, visiting family. I have not been asked by them to hang out. (Their calendar is full!) But why then, do they work so hard to make me feel guilty for doing the exact same thing when I come home?
Hmmmm. Human nature. The nature of lack of perspective. The nature of forgetting. The nature of self-centeredness. The nature of humans. Interesting.
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