today is the one year anniversary of molly's death. she and i used to be connected at the hip-i have been thinking about it a lot these last few days, especially since i got fired last friday. i am not....miserable...despite the desire to despair. (bam) i am actually three things: tired, reflective and hopefully pleasant. i will be 29 at the end of the month and i just feel this may be a pivotal year for me. which is exciting. i am off to see my friend perform in what promises to be a fantastic performance!
Ciao
Thursday, November 09, 2006
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
Deliberations (or) Bacon-Bringing (or) You're Fired!
So I had an opportunity to ask myself a question that I hoped I would never have to ask myself again, and that is-should I wait tables? (remember the subtitle of this blog is deliberations of a disgruntled waitress, after all) After some 24 hours of deliberation, the answer is a resounding no, but the condition that caused the question in the first place still exists.
I find myself in that position where there is no position. And no savings. And no prospects. And very very little money. And lots of pending bills. What happened? Well.....
Friday, Nov. 4, 2006.
4:45pm.
I was fired.
I was offered three weeks severance for the three loyal years I'd been there. I was offered the "chance" to resign. I was amicably escorted out of the building. My hand was shook. My bags were packed. I said goodbye for the last time to people who didn't realize it was the last time. "See you on Monday!" they said. I smiled but didn't speak....why tell a lie after all?
Now what happened? Nothing in particular, really. My sales were up, my quarterly review was quite good, I had just won two sales contests in a row. But...they never really got over the 'incident' from two years ago. They never felt comfortable around me....how many times did people whisper when I was around....jokingly said things I said were 'too smart' for them. I was always working on improving myself, they said. And that was really strange for them. They kept saying how..impressed....they were with me. I knew the truth. I didn't fit in to their dynamic.
And when they announced the hiring of 5 new sales people and I counted 4 cubicles available, I actually thought to myself, hmmm.....too bad my job search hasn't been going well b/c they could probably use my desk.....I had even met with a headhunter already. Well, didn't they beat me to the punch? That part kind of pisses me off.
But the whole not being there part is, yes, it is great and weird. I never ever minded the job itself. The people and their expectations of me doing the job were something that was SUCKING MY SOUL.
Luckily I have all sorts of wise people giving me advice already and I am busy, very busy trying to beat the money train. My life has taken on a new focus....bacon bringing, if you know what I mean. Certain things are being put on hold for now.....
But back to the waiting tables bit-a kind friend took me out on Saturday and I found myself asking the server if they were hiring. He was really sweet and before I knew it I was promising to bring my resume in but when the meal was over I realized the ship had sailed for me on that bidness.....I could no more wait tables again then I could pick up a sail boat. I just don't have the strength....so until I find my dream job I am putting myself at the mercy of the temp agencies. We shall see how it goes....
Most heard comment this weekend:"This is probably just a blessing in disguise..."
I find myself in that position where there is no position. And no savings. And no prospects. And very very little money. And lots of pending bills. What happened? Well.....
Friday, Nov. 4, 2006.
4:45pm.
I was fired.
I was offered three weeks severance for the three loyal years I'd been there. I was offered the "chance" to resign. I was amicably escorted out of the building. My hand was shook. My bags were packed. I said goodbye for the last time to people who didn't realize it was the last time. "See you on Monday!" they said. I smiled but didn't speak....why tell a lie after all?
Now what happened? Nothing in particular, really. My sales were up, my quarterly review was quite good, I had just won two sales contests in a row. But...they never really got over the 'incident' from two years ago. They never felt comfortable around me....how many times did people whisper when I was around....jokingly said things I said were 'too smart' for them. I was always working on improving myself, they said. And that was really strange for them. They kept saying how..impressed....they were with me. I knew the truth. I didn't fit in to their dynamic.
And when they announced the hiring of 5 new sales people and I counted 4 cubicles available, I actually thought to myself, hmmm.....too bad my job search hasn't been going well b/c they could probably use my desk.....I had even met with a headhunter already. Well, didn't they beat me to the punch? That part kind of pisses me off.
But the whole not being there part is, yes, it is great and weird. I never ever minded the job itself. The people and their expectations of me doing the job were something that was SUCKING MY SOUL.
Luckily I have all sorts of wise people giving me advice already and I am busy, very busy trying to beat the money train. My life has taken on a new focus....bacon bringing, if you know what I mean. Certain things are being put on hold for now.....
But back to the waiting tables bit-a kind friend took me out on Saturday and I found myself asking the server if they were hiring. He was really sweet and before I knew it I was promising to bring my resume in but when the meal was over I realized the ship had sailed for me on that bidness.....I could no more wait tables again then I could pick up a sail boat. I just don't have the strength....so until I find my dream job I am putting myself at the mercy of the temp agencies. We shall see how it goes....
Most heard comment this weekend:"This is probably just a blessing in disguise..."
Thursday, October 26, 2006
in about two weeks or so
here we are again right around my favorite time of year and i have agreed surreptitiously to participate in a poetry thing. don't know what it's called and haven't been officially confirmed but it means i will be getting up in front of people (unprecedented) and speaking words. words that i hope will flow-and move and transform, words as yet unwritten mostly. how did this come about you ask? i recited my one single memorized piece to a lady with power and she liked it. i liked that she liked it and i like to speak it so why haven't i done so in 5 years? don't know, didn't feel the flow i guess. but now i am hoping it will revisit my dry river bed of creativity and rush and gush throughout my mind b/c i think she said i have to have 5-10 mins of stuff and while i am sure i currently have at least 60 mins, only a couple of mins of it is stuff i want strangers to hear.....we shall see, wish me love and luck? let me know if you wanna come.
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