My head is stuffed to the brim with thoughts and impressions and it seems that I keep finding myself in this position.....with minutes left to go at the public library before it closes and no actual concrete job searching having happened, just checked emails and thoughts swirling and whirling......
Maybe I can number them:
1. I need a nice job that pays me enough money to pay my bills and my loans and afford internet at home so I no longer have to lug this bug around with me all day...consequently, if I had a job with that kind of money, I would not need to the internet so desperately anyway. Catch 22 that is what that is......
2. It is semiironic that I felt it necessary to use the term 'my brain hurts' because of all the things in it, because my brothers fiance's brain DOES hurt. I just found out about two hours ago that she was hospitalized for blackouts and nausea three days ago and they do not know what is wrong with her. Hopefully nothing so drastic as tumor or cancer but we still do not know, and her insurance lasped and there is the new baby to worry about.....shed exactly two tears so far but like I said, hopefully NOTHING is wrong....
3. Just got an email from a new acquaintance tearing up my resume. Why is it that people who are seemingly knowledgeable and qualified all say COMPLETELY different things about how to do a resume? I am at a loss as to who I should listen too....
4. I have had a few phone interviews with some interesting companies so I pray that I will have 'the job' before long. I have a face-to-face interview on Monday and am wondering if my business suit still fits and if my hair is going to continue to be unruly in the face of my determination to look professional. Down, hair, down! I half think I should borrow money and head to the salon for a wash and blow dry...straight hair just stays down easier..
5. My dreams remain ever so vivid and two (maybe three) nights in a row I have dreamt about the same person. So much so that in these waking moments it is so hard to believe that this person is not in my life AT ALL and I have been feeling a bit like I was dumped. Damn. I even wrote a nice poem about it. I am a 29 year old lovesick teenager all over again. Guys, you know, I could do without all that drama!
6. Children's classes have been such a HUGE blessing this time of year with the job problems and all, I can't tell you how nice it is to go and spend a few hours with such freely loving individuals. That being said, I am still not quite ready to have a couple of my own yet, which is good, cuz....you know, I'm single....and essentially jobless.....and stuff.
7. Speaking of jobless, I have been temping-right now I work in a building just across the street from the Sears Tower and I have been feeling a bit like a fish out of water. Which has only served to emphasize HOW BAD it was at my old job. I keep looking over my shoulder waiting for 'the boss' to sneak up and make sure I am not surfing myspace, or perking my ears for the excessive and bitter backbiting but IT IS NOT HAPPENING.....people just do their jobs here. and they trust me and they say hello and that's it. It is SOOOOOO nice. I am quite paranoid, you see, I got used to the suspicion and disrespect and tiptoe walking of my last job, thought it was quite normal...I guess. I am so glad I am temping to get me out of that old shell before I step into any new career role.
8. I am very hungry.
9. the library closes in 10 minutes.
10. I just figured there should be a number ten. I have more things to ponder of course, like how I need to worko on not becoming complacent in the job search. how to passionately and aggressively pursue the life that I want for myself. How to budget and save. all that good stuff. Things don't just happen but I keep hoping they will.....I want to say I cant believe I am 29 but I want to say that because I am already feeling like where did the time go? no regrets like I forgot I wanted to save the world....but I think it's important to always have purpose and perspective......and I lost a few years of that...oh see I am waxing all philisophical and the library police are ready for me to get my ass on out the the door......ok BYE
Thursday, December 14, 2006
Wednesday, November 29, 2006
wacky wacker drive and a confused downtown girl
I have pride. Oh yes. I do and when I realize it I try to nip it in the bud. Like I used to consider myself quite the city girl-knew my way around, that's what. me and the loop, we was good friends, I used to tell myself. when I got up from underground I always knew which way was which and all that. but seriously, I haven't worked in the loop or spent any significant time there since well before 9/11. and that was what, 5 years ago? I used to love to tell people how to get places. I didn't quite realize it but these last 5 or 6 years have done nothing to that pride, not diminished it, eradicated it, quelled it in anyway, not like these last few weeks have. radically eliminated it. I am humbled before God once again!
I am now entering the world of temping (sexy buildings will probably be my next post, buildings ARE sexy, you know) and have been to the loop more times in the last two weeks than I have been anywhere else. I have been courting temp agencies and over the last few days have developed a nice phone relationship with a certain jennifer, who has been working hard to get me employed. I like her. she wants to get me money. so when she called me with my first job offer (1 day assignment but job nonetheless) I wanted to impress her.
I left my house with time to spare and headed out to the given address....70 S. Wacker. I got off the train with ten minutes and two blocks to walk....and I walked....and Wacker in all it's river glory revealed itself to me. 100 E. Wacker. WHA-? So I walked a ways down and came to W wacker drive. Shiznit, I was just at 1 W. wacker for another temp interview last week, am I mad? Time was running out so I decided I must have written the wrong address down. Called Jennifer, shame in my voice. She wasn't answering. So I walked back to the train line, to where 70 S. was and even decided a building was 'it' and signed in and went through security and presented myself for work on the 24th floor at the complete wrong company. I went back to the street and paced back and forth. 2pm had come and gone. My cell rings (thank goodness for cells) and Jennifer reaffirms.....70 S. Wacker. She tells me to walk south (or west, can't remember now) on Wells and I will come to it but I am on Wells and Wacker (E. wacker) so her words are nonsensical, but I can't tell her that because I am trying to seem amiable and smart. I assure her that I can make it there. I hang up.
I walk back to E. Wacker. I stop a woman and ask her about the S. Wacker thing. She points in a direction that makes more sense than walking down Wells. I start walking. And walking-and the curve she mentions does indeed present itself. I make it to my first assignment, a glorious half an hour late.
So...the moral of the story is Wacker has both a N S E and W! I will never make that mistake again-which is good because then I would maybe need to get my brain checked.
Here I come city, better watch out!
I am now entering the world of temping (sexy buildings will probably be my next post, buildings ARE sexy, you know) and have been to the loop more times in the last two weeks than I have been anywhere else. I have been courting temp agencies and over the last few days have developed a nice phone relationship with a certain jennifer, who has been working hard to get me employed. I like her. she wants to get me money. so when she called me with my first job offer (1 day assignment but job nonetheless) I wanted to impress her.
I left my house with time to spare and headed out to the given address....70 S. Wacker. I got off the train with ten minutes and two blocks to walk....and I walked....and Wacker in all it's river glory revealed itself to me. 100 E. Wacker. WHA-? So I walked a ways down and came to W wacker drive. Shiznit, I was just at 1 W. wacker for another temp interview last week, am I mad? Time was running out so I decided I must have written the wrong address down. Called Jennifer, shame in my voice. She wasn't answering. So I walked back to the train line, to where 70 S. was and even decided a building was 'it' and signed in and went through security and presented myself for work on the 24th floor at the complete wrong company. I went back to the street and paced back and forth. 2pm had come and gone. My cell rings (thank goodness for cells) and Jennifer reaffirms.....70 S. Wacker. She tells me to walk south (or west, can't remember now) on Wells and I will come to it but I am on Wells and Wacker (E. wacker) so her words are nonsensical, but I can't tell her that because I am trying to seem amiable and smart. I assure her that I can make it there. I hang up.
I walk back to E. Wacker. I stop a woman and ask her about the S. Wacker thing. She points in a direction that makes more sense than walking down Wells. I start walking. And walking-and the curve she mentions does indeed present itself. I make it to my first assignment, a glorious half an hour late.
So...the moral of the story is Wacker has both a N S E and W! I will never make that mistake again-which is good because then I would maybe need to get my brain checked.
Here I come city, better watch out!
Monday, November 27, 2006
things about being unemployed....
1. you go through toilet paper a lot faster because you are home for many more hours in the day
2. dishes pile up faster because ALL three meals are now eaten at home
3. people divide into two categories-the ones who've had crap happen to them and the ones who haven't. the ones who have are appropriately sympathetic and generally say the right thing. the ones who haven't look at you with suspicion as though you deserved to get fired. those people suck.
4. you sleep a whole lot more-and not necessarily because you need to
5. you remember that daytime television is exceedingly boring
6. certain of your friends fail the support test of friendship. some pass with flying colors.
7. your apartment becomes cleaner than ever, and then dirtier than ever with a rapidity you never thought possible.
8. old movies are watched over again and you realize you still know all the words
9. blogs are redesigned
10. you begin to dream about making money and working.
2. dishes pile up faster because ALL three meals are now eaten at home
3. people divide into two categories-the ones who've had crap happen to them and the ones who haven't. the ones who have are appropriately sympathetic and generally say the right thing. the ones who haven't look at you with suspicion as though you deserved to get fired. those people suck.
4. you sleep a whole lot more-and not necessarily because you need to
5. you remember that daytime television is exceedingly boring
6. certain of your friends fail the support test of friendship. some pass with flying colors.
7. your apartment becomes cleaner than ever, and then dirtier than ever with a rapidity you never thought possible.
8. old movies are watched over again and you realize you still know all the words
9. blogs are redesigned
10. you begin to dream about making money and working.
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