Thursday, November 08, 2007
Delightful Discovery
The grocery store by my house DOES have gluten free pasta which means my current craving for homemade mac and cheese can in fact, be appeased this very evening. Hooray!
Thursday, November 01, 2007
The Last 29 of 29
So today marks the first of the last 29 days of my 20s and the last 29 days of being 29 and I wanted to mark this moment as a happy and contented moment. I have a good job. I can pay my bills. I have people in the world who love me and I am generally doing the things in life that I want to do right now. I know I have growth and pain to come. I know I have goals in my future. I know that I want to accomplish some pretty fantastic feats in the next few years.
In the next few days, however, I think I just want to be thankful and reflective. I am not sad to be turning 30. I am no longer surprised that I did not get married at 24, an age I used to think was damn grown up. After some pitfalls and astonishing leaps in spiritual growth and maturity at 26 and 27 I no longer have an imaginary ‘grownup’ age in my head. Instead I harbor an image of consistent growth and self-awareness as each day passes. I am wistful but not overly so at the thought of children in my future. I think my patience can be maintained. I am working towards financial security, albeit one or two steps behind the race, but it’s aiight.
As I have grown through my 20s I discovered there were too many moments of disappointment based on expectations of a world that only truly existed in fantasy, on television, songs or movies that never quite captured the multiplicitous nature of real life. Going from disappointment to bitterness, to acceptance and love was something that has really started happening for me in these last couple of years, and I suspect that the next few years will serve to solidify that. And I am so ridiculously excited about this happening in my soul.
I am no longer caught up in the current, unaware of the flow that carries me in directions I don’t necessarily want to go. I made the leap and swam out, and am able to watch the world go by without being crippled by it. I am also able to watch the world go by and better appreciate it’s immeasurable beauty.
My younger friends have been very loving and supportive when I mention that I am turning 30 soon-and even though my mentions were not made in dismay, they read into it anyway, and encouragingly tell me that I seem and look 24. Or that 30 ain’t so bad. I just say thank you and smile and agree, but my friends who are already there know the unspoken words behind my casually strewn-about statements. They recognize the triumph and the battles we each fought, internally and externally to get here and be content.
While I cannot say that perceived expectations for women vary much for those of us in our later vs. earlier 20s, I can say that my 22-year-old co-worker used Power Point when she was in 8th grade and I barely used it in college. Cell phones were huge and extremely rare when I graduated college and yet my younger 20-something friends had one in high school. Because of the immense advances in technology over the last 20 years and it’s impact on showing women how to be women, our battles are changing or intensifying (or disappearing) on a daily basis and what I self-imposed on myself and later had to break-down and dissemble is likely different than what younger and older generations of women will have to dissemble to attain self-love.
But what remains clear for all of my extended family is that we all work hard and deserve to appreciate our growth, no matter what.
And some of my sisters know now what I mean when I smile and say I am turning 30. Others will know later. Simply put, the battle is being won every day. Hooray for 30!
In the next few days, however, I think I just want to be thankful and reflective. I am not sad to be turning 30. I am no longer surprised that I did not get married at 24, an age I used to think was damn grown up. After some pitfalls and astonishing leaps in spiritual growth and maturity at 26 and 27 I no longer have an imaginary ‘grownup’ age in my head. Instead I harbor an image of consistent growth and self-awareness as each day passes. I am wistful but not overly so at the thought of children in my future. I think my patience can be maintained. I am working towards financial security, albeit one or two steps behind the race, but it’s aiight.
As I have grown through my 20s I discovered there were too many moments of disappointment based on expectations of a world that only truly existed in fantasy, on television, songs or movies that never quite captured the multiplicitous nature of real life. Going from disappointment to bitterness, to acceptance and love was something that has really started happening for me in these last couple of years, and I suspect that the next few years will serve to solidify that. And I am so ridiculously excited about this happening in my soul.
I am no longer caught up in the current, unaware of the flow that carries me in directions I don’t necessarily want to go. I made the leap and swam out, and am able to watch the world go by without being crippled by it. I am also able to watch the world go by and better appreciate it’s immeasurable beauty.
My younger friends have been very loving and supportive when I mention that I am turning 30 soon-and even though my mentions were not made in dismay, they read into it anyway, and encouragingly tell me that I seem and look 24. Or that 30 ain’t so bad. I just say thank you and smile and agree, but my friends who are already there know the unspoken words behind my casually strewn-about statements. They recognize the triumph and the battles we each fought, internally and externally to get here and be content.
While I cannot say that perceived expectations for women vary much for those of us in our later vs. earlier 20s, I can say that my 22-year-old co-worker used Power Point when she was in 8th grade and I barely used it in college. Cell phones were huge and extremely rare when I graduated college and yet my younger 20-something friends had one in high school. Because of the immense advances in technology over the last 20 years and it’s impact on showing women how to be women, our battles are changing or intensifying (or disappearing) on a daily basis and what I self-imposed on myself and later had to break-down and dissemble is likely different than what younger and older generations of women will have to dissemble to attain self-love.
But what remains clear for all of my extended family is that we all work hard and deserve to appreciate our growth, no matter what.
And some of my sisters know now what I mean when I smile and say I am turning 30. Others will know later. Simply put, the battle is being won every day. Hooray for 30!
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