Wednesday, June 29, 2005
I'm just saying, that's all, I'm just saying......
It's ironic that it was the Head Start teacher of my younger foster brother that said something that led to my foster mom not adopting us, considering my twin and I had been in the public school system for much longer and displaying equally disturbing adjustment and behavior problems for twice as long as our blonde little John-John. Could it be......don't wanna be crying wolf you know....that because me and mine were not white no one cared? I'm just saying......just in case you don't know me and haven't inferred...my foster mom was a "bad bad lady who did bad bad things" to us. I could probably make it into a fairy tale, the story of my adoption.....
Tuesday, June 28, 2005
I'm tired but I gotta do this
Hip hop hooray I got the computer and can now do this from home. But I am tired so I will not write much. I asked my mom for some details about my adoption. I am pondering a story idea about interracial adoption in light of something that was just brought to my attention. Namely, the Oprah episode with Tom Cruise where he pulled that ignorant "there is no such thing as race, Oprah" OHHHHHHHH I can't even get into it now. Too much to say about THAT. But I do want to explore some ideas and so hence the story my mom sent to me. It's special.
"I wanted to get back to you about your questions about our adoption experience. I'll try to answer your questions as best I can. If you need more information, let me know.When Dad and I decided to adopt, it was 1983. We worked through only one agency, Children's Home Society of Minnesota (CHSM). We went through them because they had a very strong reputation and offered comprehensive services both pre and post adoption. The process involved filling out an extensive application and meeting with an adoption social worker several times. The worker came to our home for what was called a home visit. He toured our home, talked with Dad and me and with Gina and Jeffrey. The subsequent sessions with him were considered pre-adoption counseling. Normally, there would have been a pre-adoption counseling group that we would have attended, too, but we were the only ones applying for older kids at that time and they did not want to keep us waiting, so we did the work one-on-one with the social worker. After the sessions were completed, we were in "waiting" mode. We initially had planned to adopt one child who was between the ages of Gina and Jeffrey and then a few years later adopt another who would be the youngest. But as time went on and no child was found, we decided to be open to the possibility of siblings--adopt both kids at the same time.During our "wait", we began attending the monthly support group for parents who had adopted older kids. We listened to their stories and the challenges they were facing. The group was a wonderful source of information and emotional support. Dad and I both attended that group for many months after the adoption. Dad eventually stopped attending, but I continued for about ten years I think. The "wait" was frustrating. We were initially told that things would go fast for us, as we were looking for an African American child. In fact, at the first orientation meeting we attended (it was a general information session for anyone considering adopting--it was a large group of people) we were approached during the break by the director of CHSM who asked us, "What are you looking for?" I think we were the only non-white couple there. He gave us the impression that we were in high demand. From the start, we were wanting older kids, not infants. We were therefore in the Waiting American Child Program (WAC). During our "wait" we were contacted twice about younger bi-racial kids that we turned down. One was a newborn boy. They gave us his picture and it was very difficult to stick to our plan while holding a photo of a baby who could have become ours. It was especially difficult when we knew that, at the time, bi-racial kids were languishing in foster care or being place in white homes because there were no African American families working with the system of adoption (lots on informal adoptions, but not many in the formal system). The second child we turned down was a bi-racial two-year old girl. A black social worker that Dad knew heard we were looking to adopt and he called Dad about this girl. He sent us her photo and information about her. She had been with a white foster family in Bloomington since birth and the social worker was looking for a black or bi-racial home to place her in. The foster family wanted to adopt her. But the social worker felt she should not be adopted by a white couple. That was the only reason he gave for wanting to move her. Both Dad and I did not want any part of such a disruption. While we both felt that it would have been better for her to be placed in a black or bi-racial home, given that she hadn't been and that she was loved and cared for and bonded with the white foster family, we felt it was wrong to disrupt her placement. We couldn't imagine the trauma to that child in having to be moved. So, we said no. I have often wondered what happened to her.After about a year of "waiting", we met with our social worker to ask about siblings. We decided to be open to that possibility, preferring a boy and a girl. One month later, in September 1984, our worker called us and asked if we would be interested in African American twin almost-seven-year-olds who were living in foster care in Ramsey County. We said an enthusiastic, "YES" and went to CHSM to get more information. We were given photos and some written information. And then we worked with the Ramsey County adoption worker to set up a meeting. in the foster home. We were careful to ask the reason that the foster mom was not going to adopt after these kids had been in her home for six years. We didn't want to get involved in another "disrupt the placement because the mom is white" situation. But, we were told that there were parenting issues--the foster mom had had a neglect complaint filed against her by the Head Start teachers of her youngest foster son. That triggered a closer look at the home and it was decided that the adoption of all three kids would be stopped. She had been approved for adoption and was only awaiting subsidy information before finalizing things. The neglect complaint put all that on hold and the decision was made to place all three kids in other adoptive homes. So, we went forward and did home visits and an overnight or two with these two darling children. On November 16, 1984, only two months after first learning about them, you and your brother joined our family forever. And history is still being made..."
and I've had my very own family for more than 20 years. May sound strange to you but it was my first dream come true. Psych! I just got all mushy on you.
"I wanted to get back to you about your questions about our adoption experience. I'll try to answer your questions as best I can. If you need more information, let me know.When Dad and I decided to adopt, it was 1983. We worked through only one agency, Children's Home Society of Minnesota (CHSM). We went through them because they had a very strong reputation and offered comprehensive services both pre and post adoption. The process involved filling out an extensive application and meeting with an adoption social worker several times. The worker came to our home for what was called a home visit. He toured our home, talked with Dad and me and with Gina and Jeffrey. The subsequent sessions with him were considered pre-adoption counseling. Normally, there would have been a pre-adoption counseling group that we would have attended, too, but we were the only ones applying for older kids at that time and they did not want to keep us waiting, so we did the work one-on-one with the social worker. After the sessions were completed, we were in "waiting" mode. We initially had planned to adopt one child who was between the ages of Gina and Jeffrey and then a few years later adopt another who would be the youngest. But as time went on and no child was found, we decided to be open to the possibility of siblings--adopt both kids at the same time.During our "wait", we began attending the monthly support group for parents who had adopted older kids. We listened to their stories and the challenges they were facing. The group was a wonderful source of information and emotional support. Dad and I both attended that group for many months after the adoption. Dad eventually stopped attending, but I continued for about ten years I think. The "wait" was frustrating. We were initially told that things would go fast for us, as we were looking for an African American child. In fact, at the first orientation meeting we attended (it was a general information session for anyone considering adopting--it was a large group of people) we were approached during the break by the director of CHSM who asked us, "What are you looking for?" I think we were the only non-white couple there. He gave us the impression that we were in high demand. From the start, we were wanting older kids, not infants. We were therefore in the Waiting American Child Program (WAC). During our "wait" we were contacted twice about younger bi-racial kids that we turned down. One was a newborn boy. They gave us his picture and it was very difficult to stick to our plan while holding a photo of a baby who could have become ours. It was especially difficult when we knew that, at the time, bi-racial kids were languishing in foster care or being place in white homes because there were no African American families working with the system of adoption (lots on informal adoptions, but not many in the formal system). The second child we turned down was a bi-racial two-year old girl. A black social worker that Dad knew heard we were looking to adopt and he called Dad about this girl. He sent us her photo and information about her. She had been with a white foster family in Bloomington since birth and the social worker was looking for a black or bi-racial home to place her in. The foster family wanted to adopt her. But the social worker felt she should not be adopted by a white couple. That was the only reason he gave for wanting to move her. Both Dad and I did not want any part of such a disruption. While we both felt that it would have been better for her to be placed in a black or bi-racial home, given that she hadn't been and that she was loved and cared for and bonded with the white foster family, we felt it was wrong to disrupt her placement. We couldn't imagine the trauma to that child in having to be moved. So, we said no. I have often wondered what happened to her.After about a year of "waiting", we met with our social worker to ask about siblings. We decided to be open to that possibility, preferring a boy and a girl. One month later, in September 1984, our worker called us and asked if we would be interested in African American twin almost-seven-year-olds who were living in foster care in Ramsey County. We said an enthusiastic, "YES" and went to CHSM to get more information. We were given photos and some written information. And then we worked with the Ramsey County adoption worker to set up a meeting. in the foster home. We were careful to ask the reason that the foster mom was not going to adopt after these kids had been in her home for six years. We didn't want to get involved in another "disrupt the placement because the mom is white" situation. But, we were told that there were parenting issues--the foster mom had had a neglect complaint filed against her by the Head Start teachers of her youngest foster son. That triggered a closer look at the home and it was decided that the adoption of all three kids would be stopped. She had been approved for adoption and was only awaiting subsidy information before finalizing things. The neglect complaint put all that on hold and the decision was made to place all three kids in other adoptive homes. So, we went forward and did home visits and an overnight or two with these two darling children. On November 16, 1984, only two months after first learning about them, you and your brother joined our family forever. And history is still being made..."
and I've had my very own family for more than 20 years. May sound strange to you but it was my first dream come true. Psych! I just got all mushy on you.
Wednesday, June 22, 2005
look, it's shiny!
I am still computer-less. boo. I think I am unable to work efficiently until I get one. Or maybe it is the sunshine? The world will know when I get a computer and then I become more efficient, or things stay the same. Only time, and my psychic grandma will tell. Actually I do not have a psychic grandma. My grandma is your run of the mill grandma, with great stories and great chocolate chip cookies.
What I really wanted to type about today is my shiny light pen. One of the benefits of working in the promotional product industry is that a horde of useless crap crosses my desk every day, and sometimes the crap is FUN. And then I keep it and order 6 more for myself, oops, my friends--I order 6 more for my friends. I gave Abi a Nalgene, which she broke. I gave the 'rents a booklight and a savvy flashlight/alarm clock combo. I gave Liz a snazzy picnic cooler holder thingy with a place for wine AND a bottle opener, and plates and a cutting board for cheese. My favorite things to keep are the shiny things and the lighty things. I am like a child in that way. I had a magnetic button (think about that one) at my desk in the shape of a star that flashed lots of little lights and felt kind of strobe-y. I was in love with that one. Then the batteries ran out and I had to dispense of it. I have a pen that lights 6 different colors and the end kind of looks like a lava lamp. Call me Simple Shirley, but I can't get enough of it!
That said, can't really say much else about it. Not the most intriguing thought-provoking stuff, I know. If you like shiny things, holla!
What I really wanted to type about today is my shiny light pen. One of the benefits of working in the promotional product industry is that a horde of useless crap crosses my desk every day, and sometimes the crap is FUN. And then I keep it and order 6 more for myself, oops, my friends--I order 6 more for my friends. I gave Abi a Nalgene, which she broke. I gave the 'rents a booklight and a savvy flashlight/alarm clock combo. I gave Liz a snazzy picnic cooler holder thingy with a place for wine AND a bottle opener, and plates and a cutting board for cheese. My favorite things to keep are the shiny things and the lighty things. I am like a child in that way. I had a magnetic button (think about that one) at my desk in the shape of a star that flashed lots of little lights and felt kind of strobe-y. I was in love with that one. Then the batteries ran out and I had to dispense of it. I have a pen that lights 6 different colors and the end kind of looks like a lava lamp. Call me Simple Shirley, but I can't get enough of it!
That said, can't really say much else about it. Not the most intriguing thought-provoking stuff, I know. If you like shiny things, holla!
Monday, June 13, 2005
Shuddering pangs of envy/the curse of the computer
The main reason why I don't "post" (ooh, look at me, I'm so blog-savvy) that often is because I do not own a computer at home with internet access and have a hard time justifying the time spent with company hours. Or rather, I don't like looking over my shoulder trying to anticipate just when the boss-man, or mens, if you will, are going to sneak up behind me to see what kind of wonderful sales I am making with my company computer.....you know what I mean?
So I decided that there is no debt like credit card debt, when spent on a nifty new Dell, that is. But it broke. I had it for less than 48 hours. Let me take a minute to say, that if blame must be placed let it be placed on my roommate, her cheap-ness and a faulty power surge protector (that was hers) but in reality...it was just plain fricking bad luck.
Come to think of it...I have gone through 3 computers before this one...None of them worked for more than a couple months before getting stolen or breaking. In fairness, the first three were all used. I'm cursed.
In other news, I am experiencing shuddering pangs of envy. They all say, *they* being the illustrious few I call my friends, that if you go around wanting a boyfriend that it will never happen. Noted. Noted, and filed away right next to the belief that seven years bad luck WILL DEFINITELY ensue if I break a mirror. I don't want a boyfriend. Well I do. But only the right one and I haven't met him yet, I don't think. Anyway...the point being the envy and when I am feeling it--Every time one of my peers announces he or she recently became engaged. Not that I want to get married tomorrow. Just some day. And have kids. And I am sick of people making me feel there is something wrong with acknowledging this desire. I try not to think about it except in the aforementioned situation. Or when people I like get girlfriends. It is a reminder that there is still no one out there for me. Wah wah, right? No, shudder, is more like it....ok done. Just had to get that off my chest.
A single friend of mine has determined that not only WILL she stay single for the rest of her life, but that she prefers it. Another non-single friend fights with her man all the time and is always pondering if that is somehow a sign of dysfunction and asking herself and her friends if the relationship can and should last. She loves her man and doesn't know what to do. Relationships can be a headache. But consistent booty with a good friend just can't be beat. I believe in that, and I want it for myself..for many reasons, including the fact that the alternative hiring of handsome male hookers is not a safe, viable option.
Ok now I am done. I swear.
hmm....male hookers.....
So I decided that there is no debt like credit card debt, when spent on a nifty new Dell, that is. But it broke. I had it for less than 48 hours. Let me take a minute to say, that if blame must be placed let it be placed on my roommate, her cheap-ness and a faulty power surge protector (that was hers) but in reality...it was just plain fricking bad luck.
Come to think of it...I have gone through 3 computers before this one...None of them worked for more than a couple months before getting stolen or breaking. In fairness, the first three were all used. I'm cursed.
In other news, I am experiencing shuddering pangs of envy. They all say, *they* being the illustrious few I call my friends, that if you go around wanting a boyfriend that it will never happen. Noted. Noted, and filed away right next to the belief that seven years bad luck WILL DEFINITELY ensue if I break a mirror. I don't want a boyfriend. Well I do. But only the right one and I haven't met him yet, I don't think. Anyway...the point being the envy and when I am feeling it--Every time one of my peers announces he or she recently became engaged. Not that I want to get married tomorrow. Just some day. And have kids. And I am sick of people making me feel there is something wrong with acknowledging this desire. I try not to think about it except in the aforementioned situation. Or when people I like get girlfriends. It is a reminder that there is still no one out there for me. Wah wah, right? No, shudder, is more like it....ok done. Just had to get that off my chest.
A single friend of mine has determined that not only WILL she stay single for the rest of her life, but that she prefers it. Another non-single friend fights with her man all the time and is always pondering if that is somehow a sign of dysfunction and asking herself and her friends if the relationship can and should last. She loves her man and doesn't know what to do. Relationships can be a headache. But consistent booty with a good friend just can't be beat. I believe in that, and I want it for myself..for many reasons, including the fact that the alternative hiring of handsome male hookers is not a safe, viable option.
Ok now I am done. I swear.
hmm....male hookers.....
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