all in due time....

been spending a lot of time with my very intelligent, very socially and environmentally conscious friend liz lately. and as i expected, my inevitable gravitation toward becoming environmentally responsible has begun.

i have always resented (a little bit) those greenpeace folks who stand on the street (sometimes) shaming you into awareness. 'don't you care about the environment?' they always ask. loaded questions......try not to win someone over through guilt! and remind me that i am broke and not generous..ugh. i always was very conscious of my constant internal and external struggles with racism and sexism; and not so much environmental. 'we each pick our battles,' i would say. now that i think about it, i don't know any african-american women who are actively environmentalist, and i'd like to say (but mostly because it makes me feel better) that it is because we really do have enough on our plate with the daily disrespect and ignorance we experience as black women. it's enough to be actively feminist or actively in support of unity and equality, and racially-conscious, right? i do constantly strive to detach from injustice and forgive those actions or lack thereof, that are hurtful, racist and sexist, and that can actually take up a lot of emotional space, alongside with combatting my own regular human materialistic desires and challenges on the path to God. so who needs to be all about veganism and environmental this and that....who has time?

my carbon footprint has always been low. i have never owned a car, and being a 32-year-old woman, i consider that a decent-sized contribution by default. i have always been a public transit kind of gal, and i do about 30-40% organic these days, recycle when i can, and reuse all my plastic bags or bring my own to the grocey store. i recently purchased some of those energy-saving light-bulbs.....but i still leave the water running to warm up before i get in the shower (bad heating-but is it an excuse?) and i don't actively pursue education, movies, documentaries, or books. i usually run in the other direction.

until now. i think in the long run i was afraid to have something else to feel guilty about. i have these sentiments, these goals i work towards and when i fall off the wagon, i beat myself up about it. i know that being ready to accept change is oftentimes the first BIG step to bettering your life and soul, and so i will not dwell too long over it. but what if i commit in my head to eat all organic, and then break down and eat something from mcdonalds? nevertheless, the journey is begun. how far it will take me, i do not know.

i just watched supersize me. food inc is next, then fast food nation. then recycled materials and energy-saving products. who knows how far it will go. who knows....

Channeling Gollum....

Nassty weathers, nassssty rains...filthy, wet hobbitsess and humans.....

little updates

we have been blessed with very, very beautiful days- sunny, mid-70s, bit of a breeze, and height of spring greenery. makes me love the world and long for lazy mornings in bed with the air on my face and sun floating through my waking dreams....alas for the job and the money-making and overall responsibilities of life.

last night was the first night i could sleep on my left side after a nasty tumble down a flight of stairs about a week and a half ago. joy for healing.

a friend of mine is having trouble with saying no to men who are basically amazing/good but that she is not attracted to at all. makes me envious and angry. makes me feel all of my unworthiness. i feel her struggle, wanting to have it work, so badly. but i feel mixed emotions about the fact that the men are seemingly misled as well. also feel pretty fed up that the men don't get that she is not attracted to them. she is showing all sorts of signs. i'm big on signs. let it go. move on to better things, o men. do it now. she is too nice and too longing. i am mean. i would tell it straight.