Remember when the internet was invented and we all just willy-nilly started our own blogs and were amused with our own highly witty musings that were all typed up with a shameless disregard for punctuation and grammar?
Yep. I do too.
I'm gonna go back and make some edits. Almost 10 years of writing.
Wish me luck.
Thursday, January 24, 2013
Wednesday, January 23, 2013
A memory brought on by a tv show tonight...
Have you ever noticed, at the funerals of friends that have passed away, that their parents tend hold on to you a little tightly. It's as if, in having you there, they have a piece of their lost child, a piece they never really knew about, but loved so deeply all the same.
The power in that moment--the scary--is being treated like family by someone you have only met moments ago, and yet known, through the eyes of a best friend, intimately...and for years.
The power in that moment--the scary--is being treated like family by someone you have only met moments ago, and yet known, through the eyes of a best friend, intimately...and for years.
Saturday, January 19, 2013
Internet Dating Antics
I think we learn a lot about ourselves when trying to online date, for example, how open-minded we truly are, how much of our ego makes the decision when deciding to send a 'wink' or accept a request to talk.
I harp so much on men who only date beautiful women and yet, online, I have a REALLY HARD TIME being open to and accepting a conversation with a man I don't find initially attractive. I know, from real life experience, that men I do not initially find handsome do in fact, become beautiful to me on account of their character or mannerisms, but, unfortunately, this can never be discerned on an internet dating site.
But where do I draw the line? I am committed (call it a New Year's resolution, if you will) to putting myself out there for the whole of 2013, or at least until I have a boyfriend. I am going to be 36 this year and my baby box is starting to get stale, so I'm drawing on courage, humility, and the willingness to open myself up to rejection and potential heartache in order to make some changes in my life.
But does that mean the man with bad skin, who looks much older than his professed 40 years, is a 'good match' for me? He mentioned he liked to play volleyball but he lives in Milwaukee and I wonder if he means crappy church ball, like 79% of the population that says they love volleyball. In order to eliminate him from my "I should give everyone a chance because I don't want to seem shallow and quick to judge" list, I considered sending him a message about whether he preferred a 5-1 or a 6-2 defense and how often he played doubles at the beach, but instead, I just ignored his message and deleted him from my list of potentials.
This time around (yes, I have done this before), I have a few ground rules. If he sends me a message but does not actually personalize it, or mentions his propensity for casual sex, or is completely outside of my age range, he does not get a response. Unless he is young and earnest, than I kindly tell him he will find a special lady but that I am not it, and good luck. I did that the other day, and this very young man came back with another note basically saying "please give me a chance!" I still said no, but I felt bad about it.
Anyhow, today I got a message from a man in Macedonia. Forty-three years old. Only wants women between the ages of 28 and 38. Can I just tell you, that it is 100% unanimous amongst my female friends and family, that a man who refuses to date a woman within his age range is immediately suspect. Traditionalist dogma, inequality, power trip, ego-driven are some of the terms that come to mind.
The implications of such a thing, to me, seem to immediately fly in the face of my own personal beliefs about the purpose of marriage. I believe that the purpose of marriage is to establish and promote unity, fellowship and harmony, the conditions of which are total equality and justice within the partnership, with both parties equally serving the other to travel further along their spiritual paths.... and to have babies.
But aside from all that, Macedonia?
So yes, this guy goes on my "no-reply" list. It's kind of like a "no fly" list except these men can still fly. And I am not the FBI.
(Here is where I mention that I was also contacted by a man in his 50s whose profile told me he lives in Australia, and is married, and is completely open with his wife about needing intellectual conversations with other females. No reply.)
I harp so much on men who only date beautiful women and yet, online, I have a REALLY HARD TIME being open to and accepting a conversation with a man I don't find initially attractive. I know, from real life experience, that men I do not initially find handsome do in fact, become beautiful to me on account of their character or mannerisms, but, unfortunately, this can never be discerned on an internet dating site.
But where do I draw the line? I am committed (call it a New Year's resolution, if you will) to putting myself out there for the whole of 2013, or at least until I have a boyfriend. I am going to be 36 this year and my baby box is starting to get stale, so I'm drawing on courage, humility, and the willingness to open myself up to rejection and potential heartache in order to make some changes in my life.
But does that mean the man with bad skin, who looks much older than his professed 40 years, is a 'good match' for me? He mentioned he liked to play volleyball but he lives in Milwaukee and I wonder if he means crappy church ball, like 79% of the population that says they love volleyball. In order to eliminate him from my "I should give everyone a chance because I don't want to seem shallow and quick to judge" list, I considered sending him a message about whether he preferred a 5-1 or a 6-2 defense and how often he played doubles at the beach, but instead, I just ignored his message and deleted him from my list of potentials.
This time around (yes, I have done this before), I have a few ground rules. If he sends me a message but does not actually personalize it, or mentions his propensity for casual sex, or is completely outside of my age range, he does not get a response. Unless he is young and earnest, than I kindly tell him he will find a special lady but that I am not it, and good luck. I did that the other day, and this very young man came back with another note basically saying "please give me a chance!" I still said no, but I felt bad about it.
Anyhow, today I got a message from a man in Macedonia. Forty-three years old. Only wants women between the ages of 28 and 38. Can I just tell you, that it is 100% unanimous amongst my female friends and family, that a man who refuses to date a woman within his age range is immediately suspect. Traditionalist dogma, inequality, power trip, ego-driven are some of the terms that come to mind.
The implications of such a thing, to me, seem to immediately fly in the face of my own personal beliefs about the purpose of marriage. I believe that the purpose of marriage is to establish and promote unity, fellowship and harmony, the conditions of which are total equality and justice within the partnership, with both parties equally serving the other to travel further along their spiritual paths.... and to have babies.
But aside from all that, Macedonia?
So yes, this guy goes on my "no-reply" list. It's kind of like a "no fly" list except these men can still fly. And I am not the FBI.
(Here is where I mention that I was also contacted by a man in his 50s whose profile told me he lives in Australia, and is married, and is completely open with his wife about needing intellectual conversations with other females. No reply.)
Friday, January 18, 2013
A Different Kind of Jinks
Before I walked away, I asked each of my five co-workers and my boss if they needed anything.
"Batteries, if you don't mind," said one.
I took one last look around before taking the long way up to the front desk, key card in hand, to grab a mini-notepad. Walking quickly past the sales team on the other side of the office, I stopped for a brief chat with Charles, the sponsorship sales kid, before hurrying along my way to the front.
When I got there, the head of human resources, a large, jovial man, was maneuvring his way around two large boxes while a pretty young woman was stooped over behind the desk, changing into her heels.
"Hello, how are you?" he asked me as he worked his way to one side of the boxes.
"I'm great," I said. "I just need a notebook."
"You know where it is...help yourself." He began talking to the pretty woman who was now hanging her coat as I reached into one of the closets behind the desk to grab a small notepad. I began to walk away and did an immediate about face.
"Oops! I forgot batteries!" The head of human resources pulled a packet out of a drawer and handed them to me. I looked at the girl as she prepared to sit at the desk.
"New hire?" I asked.
"No," he said. "All of our team is out sick today so I called a service, she is just here for the day."
When got back to my desk, I looked at the other two co-workers in my pod who have NOT been out sick for several days with the flu in the recent weeks.
"Guys, the whole human resources team is out sick today-crazy right?" I said.
As though we had practiced it a million times before, we each reached for our mini hand sanitizer bottles. Like a synchronized swimming team, we popped open the lids, shook some liquid into our hands, set the bottles down, and rubbed our hands together while shaking our heads.
Maybe, just maybe, it will pass us by. One can always hope, right?
"Batteries, if you don't mind," said one.
I took one last look around before taking the long way up to the front desk, key card in hand, to grab a mini-notepad. Walking quickly past the sales team on the other side of the office, I stopped for a brief chat with Charles, the sponsorship sales kid, before hurrying along my way to the front.
When I got there, the head of human resources, a large, jovial man, was maneuvring his way around two large boxes while a pretty young woman was stooped over behind the desk, changing into her heels.
"Hello, how are you?" he asked me as he worked his way to one side of the boxes.
"I'm great," I said. "I just need a notebook."
"You know where it is...help yourself." He began talking to the pretty woman who was now hanging her coat as I reached into one of the closets behind the desk to grab a small notepad. I began to walk away and did an immediate about face.
"Oops! I forgot batteries!" The head of human resources pulled a packet out of a drawer and handed them to me. I looked at the girl as she prepared to sit at the desk.
"New hire?" I asked.
"No," he said. "All of our team is out sick today so I called a service, she is just here for the day."
When got back to my desk, I looked at the other two co-workers in my pod who have NOT been out sick for several days with the flu in the recent weeks.
"Guys, the whole human resources team is out sick today-crazy right?" I said.
As though we had practiced it a million times before, we each reached for our mini hand sanitizer bottles. Like a synchronized swimming team, we popped open the lids, shook some liquid into our hands, set the bottles down, and rubbed our hands together while shaking our heads.
Maybe, just maybe, it will pass us by. One can always hope, right?
Friday, January 11, 2013
One new thing a day...
I find myself amazed at my long-legged, beautiful co-worker, whose vibrant and vivacious energy is simultaneously delightful and oppressive. She possesses an excitement for life that is so common for newly-graduated 20-somethings who are experiencing city life for the first time, and learning the nuances of the professional world with raw emotion. She grows before our very eyes everyday.
Today I learned that she had never heard about Nelson Mandela, or apartheid, or that white people even lived in South Africa. This from a comment about a South African band she recently discovered (made up of young white men) that she wanted to tell me about, and a song she wanted to play for me.
"I didn't even know there WERE white people in South Africa, that's crazy to me! So I looked it up and now I know all about the different cultures that are there, it's so interesting.." And she went on about how she would like to visit and learn more, and she was so surprised at what there was to learn that she didn't know. And she committed to educating herself.. I love this young woman.
But I am amazed, as I mentioned earlier, at how little she knows about things like apartheid, and Jim Crow and other basic parts of world and American history. It makes me wonder what they are teaching in schools. I knew about all of this as a teenager, and I wonder if it is because I am a person of color, from a mixed race family and diverse community, or is it because my school simply educated us about these things? Where and when did I first hear the name of Nelson Mandela?
Is this phenomenon in part the reason why so many ignorant people claim that racism is dead? Do we lack the basic knowledge about our country's history and outcomes and side effects of these traumas? This is the knowledge that would perhaps offer a widened perspective on the state of race relations today. I don't know.
But it's something to think about, certainly. If we are a nation of undereducated individuals, how do we change that?
Today I learned that she had never heard about Nelson Mandela, or apartheid, or that white people even lived in South Africa. This from a comment about a South African band she recently discovered (made up of young white men) that she wanted to tell me about, and a song she wanted to play for me.
"I didn't even know there WERE white people in South Africa, that's crazy to me! So I looked it up and now I know all about the different cultures that are there, it's so interesting.." And she went on about how she would like to visit and learn more, and she was so surprised at what there was to learn that she didn't know. And she committed to educating herself.. I love this young woman.
But I am amazed, as I mentioned earlier, at how little she knows about things like apartheid, and Jim Crow and other basic parts of world and American history. It makes me wonder what they are teaching in schools. I knew about all of this as a teenager, and I wonder if it is because I am a person of color, from a mixed race family and diverse community, or is it because my school simply educated us about these things? Where and when did I first hear the name of Nelson Mandela?
Is this phenomenon in part the reason why so many ignorant people claim that racism is dead? Do we lack the basic knowledge about our country's history and outcomes and side effects of these traumas? This is the knowledge that would perhaps offer a widened perspective on the state of race relations today. I don't know.
But it's something to think about, certainly. If we are a nation of undereducated individuals, how do we change that?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)