After some consultation with married friends, it has been brought to my attention that looking someone up and then telling them you had a crush on them when you have a wife at home serves no purpose except hurting your wife and being selfish.
I have come to the conclusion that I agree. I would not object (as my friend C would) to connecting with childhood friends, but telling them about past crushing feelings seems really self-serving and therefore kind of bad. Very hurtful to the wife. Also, the brunch this weekend proved to me that said childhood friend doesn't really have an interest in ME as a human being that is/was a friend, but only an interest in me as I relate to him and his memories of me. Does that make sense?
This man is not interested in true, reciprocal friendship which means I will no longer be responding to his requests to see me when he visits Chicago. Glad to know this, too bad I had to waste a beautiful morning figuring it out.
Happy Monday!
Monday, April 09, 2012
Friday, April 06, 2012
Yes, I went there.
Very steamy in my apartment this morning. If only that were a snide reference to lots and lots of sex. But alas, I am single. The most action I get is taking the red line train in the morning during rush hour. Nothing like a bag up my ass or elbow in my chest. It's awesome. I am really well-loved, if being touched by strangers is any indication.
No, I think the heat must have been on during the night, because when I woke up this morning, my windows were covered in condensation and I was all sweaty. This time of year, when the weather is all over the place in terms of temperature, I am still indelibly thankful that I have to deal with being too hot as opposed to being too cold. You can always crack a window, and fresh air is awesome. Even in the winter.
I slept on my couch because I like my couch for sleeping and for a brief moment I thought it would be hilarious if I slapped my hand against the steamy window and slid it down slowly and passionately. Then passersby would look up and be reminded of the movie, the Titanic, and they would be envious of all the hot steamy love I was having at 645 am in the morning. But I realized, in the quickness of less than a second, that the likelihood of passersby who happened to look up to a second-story window on an early April morning was, well..non-existant. I live here, people, I know how empty the streets are in the morning. The joke was wasted.
Today I will meet a friend from childhood for brunch. Last time he was in town he confessed he had a big crush on me in childhood. He is the 4th person to tell me that since I became an adult. What kills me, is, of course, I had a big crush on him in childhood too. Now he is happily married and living in Mexico and when he comes to Chicago he looks me up and asks me to hang out. I feel very strange about this, because I AM single.
What is it with all the men and the secret crushes. Guys, had you asked back then, I would have said YES. I recently spoke with another childhood crush, also happily married, who confessed similar things to me. It's a nice compliment, for sure. I just hope that the next guy, instead of waiting years, just says something instead. It would be nice. Wow, the sun is really beautiful in the morning in my apartment. I am going to go live now.
No, I think the heat must have been on during the night, because when I woke up this morning, my windows were covered in condensation and I was all sweaty. This time of year, when the weather is all over the place in terms of temperature, I am still indelibly thankful that I have to deal with being too hot as opposed to being too cold. You can always crack a window, and fresh air is awesome. Even in the winter.
I slept on my couch because I like my couch for sleeping and for a brief moment I thought it would be hilarious if I slapped my hand against the steamy window and slid it down slowly and passionately. Then passersby would look up and be reminded of the movie, the Titanic, and they would be envious of all the hot steamy love I was having at 645 am in the morning. But I realized, in the quickness of less than a second, that the likelihood of passersby who happened to look up to a second-story window on an early April morning was, well..non-existant. I live here, people, I know how empty the streets are in the morning. The joke was wasted.
Today I will meet a friend from childhood for brunch. Last time he was in town he confessed he had a big crush on me in childhood. He is the 4th person to tell me that since I became an adult. What kills me, is, of course, I had a big crush on him in childhood too. Now he is happily married and living in Mexico and when he comes to Chicago he looks me up and asks me to hang out. I feel very strange about this, because I AM single.
What is it with all the men and the secret crushes. Guys, had you asked back then, I would have said YES. I recently spoke with another childhood crush, also happily married, who confessed similar things to me. It's a nice compliment, for sure. I just hope that the next guy, instead of waiting years, just says something instead. It would be nice. Wow, the sun is really beautiful in the morning in my apartment. I am going to go live now.
A letter of apology
Dear 2011,
I am sorry. I feel as though I have neglected you, and now it is too late to remedy that. You have moved on to that other place, beyond reach, and there is nothing I can do.
Truth be told, I have spent a little more time writing in private when I could have been writing for you. I was sharing my thoughts in a space where only my eyes can see, but I feel as though after all these years of blogging, I owe it to you to acknowledge this neglect. (Hi Sarah, I think you may be one of the few people left who read this and I long to see your beautiful baby in real life soon!)
Ooooh, see what I just did? I disrespected 2011 by taking an aside to talk to a friend. Unforgivable, I know. I guess I just didn't feel the same drive, 2011, as I did in the past...as I do now, in fact. I am back, and though it may be of little comfort to you, I vow to give 2012 all the attention it deserves. In part, it will be an homage to you.
Thank you for what you gave me, 2011. It was a year of some significant occurences, moments of personal courage, building of resolve and humility, and a growing connection to some amazing and special friends that I am blessed to have in my life. Without you, 2011, 2012 would not have the momentum it does. I hear tell great things are in store. I owe that, in part, to you.
Thank you.
Sincerely,
Leslie
I am sorry. I feel as though I have neglected you, and now it is too late to remedy that. You have moved on to that other place, beyond reach, and there is nothing I can do.
Truth be told, I have spent a little more time writing in private when I could have been writing for you. I was sharing my thoughts in a space where only my eyes can see, but I feel as though after all these years of blogging, I owe it to you to acknowledge this neglect. (Hi Sarah, I think you may be one of the few people left who read this and I long to see your beautiful baby in real life soon!)
Ooooh, see what I just did? I disrespected 2011 by taking an aside to talk to a friend. Unforgivable, I know. I guess I just didn't feel the same drive, 2011, as I did in the past...as I do now, in fact. I am back, and though it may be of little comfort to you, I vow to give 2012 all the attention it deserves. In part, it will be an homage to you.
Thank you for what you gave me, 2011. It was a year of some significant occurences, moments of personal courage, building of resolve and humility, and a growing connection to some amazing and special friends that I am blessed to have in my life. Without you, 2011, 2012 would not have the momentum it does. I hear tell great things are in store. I owe that, in part, to you.
Thank you.
Sincerely,
Leslie
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