Monday, April 21, 2008
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
I'm getting excited!
I just talked to my mom and I am getting really excited to do this 10k race in Minnesota in a week and a half. It will be my first race ever! I think I will run it very slowly but just the thought of finishing is so exciting! I'm gonna be a running fool! My sister will be there to take pictures and I will get to see some good MN friends over the weekend!
Woot.
Woot.
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
opportunities abound
it's true what they say about positivity. it's also true what they say about sleep. you need it. more than what i have normally been getting lately. i have this thing where i need to veg for about two hours every day before i go to bed. no matter what time i get done with the days' activities. for example, no matter if i get done with running, 2 loads laundry, making food for the next week and washing dishes and making my mom's bday present at 1130pm. i still need to sit and stare for awhile, either at a book or at a television. i cannot fall asleep. which is unfortunate because then i am groggy tired the next day and more prone to sickness. i really digress though.
what i really wanted to talk about is how this weekend i discovered i can shop at a store again that i could not shop at before. it is my favorite store, a place i have shopped at since i was in 7th grade, yes, i still like their styles and i am not ashamed. but about 3 years ago i went there on a whim and discovered that i had outgrown them. literally. and i cried, right there in the store, both at the force of the realization that i really had gotten 'that big' and at the fact that the stupid store didn't carry larger sizes for people like me. i was standing at a clothes rack, arms full with pants that didn't fit and the bewildered young sales gentleman trying to help me looked like he was about to cry too. he had walked up to me as the awareness was dawning on me and asked if i needed help. i asked him if he had any sizes larger than the ones in my hands and he said he could call some other stores and see. i asked him if he had ever seen the size that i was looking for and he said 'oh for sure' but he was a bad liar. that was when the tears started streaming down my face and he was apalled on my behalf and tried to be really comforting. then i just handed him the clothes in as little of a huff as possible (it wasn't his fault), and walked out of the store. i wandered for a bit that day and discovered the Gap. they had stuff my size and though it was a relief, it was by far, a very traumatic day for me.
this weekend i went in there on a whim, i have no scale at home and have been only fairly certain that my body is changing as a result. i am running a lot these days in preparation for a 10k race April 26th, so i just thought, let's try it. let's just try it. i had a friend with me who i knew would be really supportive if it didn't work out, but much to my surprise and glee, it did work out. not only can i wear their largest size, but i can even go a size down on some styles. very very exciting. and to top it all off, i got word that two very promising opportunities may be coming my way soon. choices! i have choices and that is better than candy.
what i really wanted to talk about is how this weekend i discovered i can shop at a store again that i could not shop at before. it is my favorite store, a place i have shopped at since i was in 7th grade, yes, i still like their styles and i am not ashamed. but about 3 years ago i went there on a whim and discovered that i had outgrown them. literally. and i cried, right there in the store, both at the force of the realization that i really had gotten 'that big' and at the fact that the stupid store didn't carry larger sizes for people like me. i was standing at a clothes rack, arms full with pants that didn't fit and the bewildered young sales gentleman trying to help me looked like he was about to cry too. he had walked up to me as the awareness was dawning on me and asked if i needed help. i asked him if he had any sizes larger than the ones in my hands and he said he could call some other stores and see. i asked him if he had ever seen the size that i was looking for and he said 'oh for sure' but he was a bad liar. that was when the tears started streaming down my face and he was apalled on my behalf and tried to be really comforting. then i just handed him the clothes in as little of a huff as possible (it wasn't his fault), and walked out of the store. i wandered for a bit that day and discovered the Gap. they had stuff my size and though it was a relief, it was by far, a very traumatic day for me.
this weekend i went in there on a whim, i have no scale at home and have been only fairly certain that my body is changing as a result. i am running a lot these days in preparation for a 10k race April 26th, so i just thought, let's try it. let's just try it. i had a friend with me who i knew would be really supportive if it didn't work out, but much to my surprise and glee, it did work out. not only can i wear their largest size, but i can even go a size down on some styles. very very exciting. and to top it all off, i got word that two very promising opportunities may be coming my way soon. choices! i have choices and that is better than candy.
Friday, April 11, 2008
Monday, April 07, 2008
The River Widens
The sun has risen before six am this Saturday morning and the world is golden brown cold, warmth hints through shadows of branches which decorate the path on which I run. Birds warble and sing in one ear and Kanye West spouts rhyme in my other and my breathing begins to regulate with each new step. This time I will go all the way, I tell myself. All the way to the end of the iTunes mix and all the way to the end of the path and back-I am certain it is a full five miles and I am certain my body is capable even if my mind is somewhat leery and skeptical.
In and out of each breath is a new prayer, this one for the day’s beauty, this one for my legs that are still moving, this one for the dream that I hope will one day come true, this one for patience and tolerance in the face of weekly tests, and this one for perserverance. At this point it is not really a question of getting there, there being the day of the actual race, or being able to make it to the finish line. I know I can do it, but each run becomes a gauge of my mental state. Sunshine and morning peace aside, thoughts swirl about my head and the conversation continues. It’s a modest start for me, I tell myself, and in the world of runners 6.2 miles is something of a whiz. But in the world of non-runners (where I lived for at least 28 years) it is something of a miraculous feat, and as I have progressed on this journey I have had all sorts of people tell me things about how dangerous it is or how much I will hurt the next day and in the moment their enthusiasm always manages to ensnare my belief.
But here, here on the road, where my pulse is quickened and my entire soul has learned to keep time with nature, I rework the conversations in my head. I will not feel pain so much as joy and I have been blessed with a body capable of accomplishing feats ever so much more than this even. So the words are pounded out step after step of convincing argument. To the left is the river and to the right are the tennis courts, and then the playground, and then a grassy knoll, and then some benches. On the water swims a lone duck, meandering down the way as though this alone were his sole purpose. And then around the next bend, the river widens and my breath catches and I pick up the pace. This is what it means to be alive and happy. This is what it means let your soul soar. And tomorrow, I am going to do it again.
In and out of each breath is a new prayer, this one for the day’s beauty, this one for my legs that are still moving, this one for the dream that I hope will one day come true, this one for patience and tolerance in the face of weekly tests, and this one for perserverance. At this point it is not really a question of getting there, there being the day of the actual race, or being able to make it to the finish line. I know I can do it, but each run becomes a gauge of my mental state. Sunshine and morning peace aside, thoughts swirl about my head and the conversation continues. It’s a modest start for me, I tell myself, and in the world of runners 6.2 miles is something of a whiz. But in the world of non-runners (where I lived for at least 28 years) it is something of a miraculous feat, and as I have progressed on this journey I have had all sorts of people tell me things about how dangerous it is or how much I will hurt the next day and in the moment their enthusiasm always manages to ensnare my belief.
But here, here on the road, where my pulse is quickened and my entire soul has learned to keep time with nature, I rework the conversations in my head. I will not feel pain so much as joy and I have been blessed with a body capable of accomplishing feats ever so much more than this even. So the words are pounded out step after step of convincing argument. To the left is the river and to the right are the tennis courts, and then the playground, and then a grassy knoll, and then some benches. On the water swims a lone duck, meandering down the way as though this alone were his sole purpose. And then around the next bend, the river widens and my breath catches and I pick up the pace. This is what it means to be alive and happy. This is what it means let your soul soar. And tomorrow, I am going to do it again.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)