That Holiday Feeling

Growing up I was mostly ever surrounded by Christians and Jews or people who lived a more Christian or Jewish slant to their lives, which meant that this time of year was always full of holiday something. And we talked about and understood the concept of tolerance. We had trees and menorahs and Kwanzaa would usually find its way into the mix as well. Inevitably, there was always the disgruntled and dismayed peer who was personally offended at the materialism of the holiday season. They would self-righteously lament about how awful gifts were, so much it made me wonder if they never got the ponies or airplanes they wanted as children. Most of us would lend them our ear but not more than that.....Holidays were stressful to some of us and wonderful to others, all depending on how high an expectation you built, and how you used the semblance of joy to reflect upon your own inner peace.

But one thing that surprises me, and angers me a little, is some of the blatant and utter disrespect that I have heard of late in relation to Christmas. I think I have been experiencing something almost akin (forgive the drasticness of comparison) to what a white person experiences when around all white people when someone boldly utters a racist comment. A number of individuals lately have jokingly and seriously slandered Christmas while in my presence, with the confidence and ego of people who think everyone is on the same page as them-not Christian. And though I am not strictly Christian, the holiday is sacred to me, always will be. And the level of intolerance, particularly from a mouth of a person that more than likely considers themselves tolerant, astounds me.

It also has led me to more deeply define the holiday and brought to an even clearer light the power we have to make of something what we will. What surprises me is the absolute certainty others have that if something isn't special or important to them, that it could not possibly be special for others. Even worse, that these people who can't relate to an event would seek to demean the event for others by implying that those who celebrate it are perhaps shallow or stupid. I understand the idea of feeling left out. I understand the feelings of alienation. But that that should lead to callous mocking and insults is....ugly.

I have always been aware that my own particular attachment to holidays such as Thanksgiving and Christmas have been about my own thankfulness for things I once did not have-family, for one. Friends for another. Not to sound too dramatic, but I did have a good 6 years of life without family, and being able to spend time with people who love me who are also my family is something I will never stop appreciating. Laying in bed at night without a mom and dad at all is not something you forget just because. My family in particular, gets a real kick out of gifts because it's a show of love, not because we are needlessly entrenched in materialism. My sister got me a gift certificate to Whole Foods this year, because she KNOWS me. Knows my needs and is cognizant of what she can do as a sister to meet them.

Someone who has never really celebrated Christmas maybe doesn't know about that sort of thing. Maybe they never sat in quiet moments in front of the tree, with the whole house dark, the smell of pine drifting over you, and music in the background, with their mother, or their brother, or anyone, in a moment of complete comfort and security, away from the world and the bustle of living. It's not always perfect. There are fights; and my definition of family is perhaps not so simple as what you may think-friends are family too, and it's fluid. But as time goes by even fights get wrapped up in holiday memory as growth, as part of what it means to be in a family and connected and committed to one another. And that is what the holiday means to me. Any holiday. As I grow and add more to my list of days to celebrate, there may be other purposes, but being with family and friends will always go hand in hand with it, no matter what.


I have debated whether or not it was worth it to share with my friends who scoff just what their words and disdain do....wondering if perhaps I can keep them from hurting someone with careless words. Either way, the holiday feeling has been strong this year, partly because of them, and for that I am thankful.