wacky wacker drive and a confused downtown girl

I have pride. Oh yes. I do and when I realize it I try to nip it in the bud. Like I used to consider myself quite the city girl-knew my way around, that's what. me and the loop, we was good friends, I used to tell myself. when I got up from underground I always knew which way was which and all that. but seriously, I haven't worked in the loop or spent any significant time there since well before 9/11. and that was what, 5 years ago? I used to love to tell people how to get places. I didn't quite realize it but these last 5 or 6 years have done nothing to that pride, not diminished it, eradicated it, quelled it in anyway, not like these last few weeks have. radically eliminated it. I am humbled before God once again!

I am now entering the world of temping (sexy buildings will probably be my next post, buildings ARE sexy, you know) and have been to the loop more times in the last two weeks than I have been anywhere else. I have been courting temp agencies and over the last few days have developed a nice phone relationship with a certain jennifer, who has been working hard to get me employed. I like her. she wants to get me money. so when she called me with my first job offer (1 day assignment but job nonetheless) I wanted to impress her.

I left my house with time to spare and headed out to the given address....70 S. Wacker. I got off the train with ten minutes and two blocks to walk....and I walked....and Wacker in all it's river glory revealed itself to me. 100 E. Wacker. WHA-? So I walked a ways down and came to W wacker drive. Shiznit, I was just at 1 W. wacker for another temp interview last week, am I mad? Time was running out so I decided I must have written the wrong address down. Called Jennifer, shame in my voice. She wasn't answering. So I walked back to the train line, to where 70 S. was and even decided a building was 'it' and signed in and went through security and presented myself for work on the 24th floor at the complete wrong company. I went back to the street and paced back and forth. 2pm had come and gone. My cell rings (thank goodness for cells) and Jennifer reaffirms.....70 S. Wacker. She tells me to walk south (or west, can't remember now) on Wells and I will come to it but I am on Wells and Wacker (E. wacker) so her words are nonsensical, but I can't tell her that because I am trying to seem amiable and smart. I assure her that I can make it there. I hang up.

I walk back to E. Wacker. I stop a woman and ask her about the S. Wacker thing. She points in a direction that makes more sense than walking down Wells. I start walking. And walking-and the curve she mentions does indeed present itself. I make it to my first assignment, a glorious half an hour late.

So...the moral of the story is Wacker has both a N S E and W! I will never make that mistake again-which is good because then I would maybe need to get my brain checked.

Here I come city, better watch out!

things about being unemployed....

1. you go through toilet paper a lot faster because you are home for many more hours in the day

2. dishes pile up faster because ALL three meals are now eaten at home

3. people divide into two categories-the ones who've had crap happen to them and the ones who haven't. the ones who have are appropriately sympathetic and generally say the right thing. the ones who haven't look at you with suspicion as though you deserved to get fired. those people suck.

4. you sleep a whole lot more-and not necessarily because you need to

5. you remember that daytime television is exceedingly boring

6. certain of your friends fail the support test of friendship. some pass with flying colors.

7. your apartment becomes cleaner than ever, and then dirtier than ever with a rapidity you never thought possible.

8. old movies are watched over again and you realize you still know all the words

9. blogs are redesigned

10. you begin to dream about making money and working.

Fergie, the early years

Turns out most recent addition to the BEP group was in fact, the long ago long time member and performer from K.I.D.S INC., by far one of my most favorite and obsessively watched tv shows when I was.....a kid. She was none other than STACY FERGUSON, the blonde curly and perky haired dancing and singing sensation-performing with many other cast members, recognizable ones? Martika? Love Hewitt, aka Jennifer Love Hewitt, she went by her true first name then, Love, yes Love.
The song still plays in my head....Kids incorporated.....K! I! D! S! yeah, Kids Incorporated........K! I! D! S!......looks like we've made it, we're Kids incorporated.......YEAH~!


Ok, that show....and Mickey Mouse Club....those were my early teen faves.....yeah.

here we are

today is the one year anniversary of molly's death. she and i used to be connected at the hip-i have been thinking about it a lot these last few days, especially since i got fired last friday. i am not....miserable...despite the desire to despair. (bam) i am actually three things: tired, reflective and hopefully pleasant. i will be 29 at the end of the month and i just feel this may be a pivotal year for me. which is exciting. i am off to see my friend perform in what promises to be a fantastic performance!

Ciao

Deliberations (or) Bacon-Bringing (or) You're Fired!

So I had an opportunity to ask myself a question that I hoped I would never have to ask myself again, and that is-should I wait tables? (remember the subtitle of this blog is deliberations of a disgruntled waitress, after all) After some 24 hours of deliberation, the answer is a resounding no, but the condition that caused the question in the first place still exists.

I find myself in that position where there is no position. And no savings. And no prospects. And very very little money. And lots of pending bills. What happened? Well.....

Friday, Nov. 4, 2006.
4:45pm.
I was fired.

I was offered three weeks severance for the three loyal years I'd been there. I was offered the "chance" to resign. I was amicably escorted out of the building. My hand was shook. My bags were packed. I said goodbye for the last time to people who didn't realize it was the last time. "See you on Monday!" they said. I smiled but didn't speak....why tell a lie after all?

Now what happened? Nothing in particular, really. My sales were up, my quarterly review was quite good, I had just won two sales contests in a row. But...they never really got over the 'incident' from two years ago. They never felt comfortable around me....how many times did people whisper when I was around....jokingly said things I said were 'too smart' for them. I was always working on improving myself, they said. And that was really strange for them. They kept saying how..impressed....they were with me. I knew the truth. I didn't fit in to their dynamic.

And when they announced the hiring of 5 new sales people and I counted 4 cubicles available, I actually thought to myself, hmmm.....too bad my job search hasn't been going well b/c they could probably use my desk.....I had even met with a headhunter already. Well, didn't they beat me to the punch? That part kind of pisses me off.
But the whole not being there part is, yes, it is great and weird. I never ever minded the job itself. The people and their expectations of me doing the job were something that was SUCKING MY SOUL.

Luckily I have all sorts of wise people giving me advice already and I am busy, very busy trying to beat the money train. My life has taken on a new focus....bacon bringing, if you know what I mean. Certain things are being put on hold for now.....

But back to the waiting tables bit-a kind friend took me out on Saturday and I found myself asking the server if they were hiring. He was really sweet and before I knew it I was promising to bring my resume in but when the meal was over I realized the ship had sailed for me on that bidness.....I could no more wait tables again then I could pick up a sail boat. I just don't have the strength....so until I find my dream job I am putting myself at the mercy of the temp agencies. We shall see how it goes....

Most heard comment this weekend:"This is probably just a blessing in disguise..."