Overstated, Overwhelmed and Overjoyed

I've been pondering these last few days about how to blog about this thing in my life, how do I break the news, and, as with everything, each moment of decisiveness was informed by my mood at the time.

My mood has been apprehensive, giddy, suspicious and fearful, joyous, celebratory, knowing, doubtful, satisfied, scared, excited, impatient and so full of determination that I am not sure the self I knew is the self I am.

I have never wanted anything so bad. I have never been so convinced and I have never been so willing to work hard and learn fast and do what it takes and I am genuinely excited and equally scared of where that will take me.

See, the thing is, I got my dream job. I did. I got the number one, best job, made for me, job of my dreams and I am so tickled and scared of my success that I am not sure what to do with myself.

The process was so fast and God-inspired that I know divinity was intervening and not remotely subtly. Basically on Monday of last week, I called this company, a company I coveted for the last two years, sent my resume to several times, and subsequently had given up for lost. I don't know what prompted me to put myself out there again, but I did. And somehow, I got in touch with the Director of the department, and managed to give a quick spiel of my zeal that impressed. I was unable to send my resume to him until Tuesday, but when he got it, he called me right away. Here's how it went in short term: Monday, call. Tuesday, resume sent and then phone interview. Wednesday, in-person interview. Thursday, in-person interview. Friday-job offer. Following Wednesday-start date. Got my job in basically one weeks time. Hot damn.

It will take me awhile to get back on my feet financially, maybe a couple months. But I will and I will be better and more secure than before. I will be more content as well, knowing that my efforts are going towards something that really matters to me, something I can stand behind and be directly rewarded for.


That being said, I am also afraid I could wake up from this dream of mine. A part of me feels unworthy, I know I am worthy but I am not sure my heart always agrees with my head. Each day on the new job will build that confidence, I am sure.

But for now.....wooooooooooooofuckinghooooooooo!!!!!!!

Brainstorm, write until the mind releases...

I'm on the verge of an emerging urge to post
my emotions
to shout from the proverbial rooftops
that I deserve this
and yes, I'm nervous
and on fire with
burning desire.

How badly do I want it?
Enough to know that if it doesn't happen
and I tell 600 plus *friends* on FB
that I'm close, and then don't get it,
that I may have 600 plus reminders
of the loss after it's done.

600 *I'm sorrys* and 600 *That sucks*
600 *Something better will comes* and
600 different ways to sum
up the misery of
unemployment
600 ways to find new enjoyment
6oo ways to find Patience and tell her
to step over my way
600 reasons to cry away the frustrations

600 lamentations and acts of love
all in one, or 2, or 600 clicks of a button.


So instead of the post, and the follow up post, and the responses there,
I give you here, venting space to grace the cockles of my soul.

And a little jumping up and down and hands clasped together in hopes and dreams and patience besides...because the call may come tomorrow and then all this now unknown will be known.

Oh McGraw...

Now here is a company that I interviewed with twice. A company that told me last time that they would love to have me on, but that they had to hire someone with more 'direct' experience. I had passed the editing tests. I had impressed and connected at the interview. This was more than 4 years ago now, and I am long over the pain of that rejection.

Now the editing path is no longer my path, and McGraw is no longer on my radar. So much so that it took me awhile to realize the book I have had in my possesion for the last several weeks is indeed the very type of book I would have been editing had I been hired that fateful day years and years ago.

It is a math book, created to help one succeed at the GRE and GMATs....and every OTHER page has an editing error. I am aghast. I am appalled. This book came out recently too. I am somewhat bitter AND content to know that whoever they hired to do that job is sadly, terrible at it. I would have done better. I do know that. Much better at catching all the errors. I hope someone has told them and they are frantically working to put out a new version, I just wonder at what cost?

Oh McGraw....