-Challenged

I've been running into a problem of late-can guarantee it's a problem you've had, although I wonder as to the current severity of my little challenge. Thinking maybe I could be classified as....something.

Has to do with date-writing. Every day at work I fill out these sheets that are meant to keep track of my call-backs for potential deals I am working on, and every day I write the date down, and every time I do, I do it wrong. Yeah, you say, of course I have done this before. Absolutely, and I agree that you have. These days the main challenge is the automation. I hurriedly scrawl, day after day: one-slash-twenty-nine-slash-one...or twenty-eight, or whatever actual day it is. But after I so confidently circle that last zero, my pen falters, and I think, "No, wait, that's wrong, I did it wrong, what goes there next?" And without thinking I follow it with a seven. "Damn it. Not a seven!" It is not 2007. Switching from writing OH-something to writing ONE-something is going take me awhile to get the hang of.

More often, when I am writing, I do pause long enough to stop my pen from writing an eight or a seven (or one time, a six) and I SQUEEZE another 1 between the slash and the zero. Looks cramped and funny and makes me wonder why I bother since no one sees these papers but me and on occasion, my boss, who does not care one iota. But once, without blinking an eye or swallowing my gum, I wrote: one-slash-fifteen-slash-ninety-seven. Yes folks, my brain wanted good ole' young 2010 to be long, gone and dead 1997. Hot damn my subconscious is something else. Oh to be 19 again....

Not sure how long this will last, don't remember the transition from the 90s to the uh....OH OHs (?) because it was OH SO long ago. Know what I mean? Want me to shut up? Ok.

Evening full of happiness

Ah, I cannot wait until evening... when I will make delicious chili mole, cozy up in a blanket and watch a movie until I fall asleep. Work has been emotional and tough this week and last, and I am hankering for a cuddle with my blanket.

Next week-Book 6!

I'm gonna talk about excercise because it's interesting you can't do anything about it.

I just did things with a barbell that I didn't even know could be done. I also think I may have sweat out my entire left lung. Good thing, too, because I hear you don't really need those things and who needs to carry around the extra weight?

The good news, I discovered today, is I am back to my regular size since before I got my job in September. I am still reeling from the fact that in just a few short months, I nearly undid all the hard work that got me to the point of being able to run a 10k race and swim an entire mile without stopping, and getting hotter to boot. I mean, I knew I took a few liberties when the regular paycheck started coming in-eating out more often because I could, celebrating, not working out because I was tired after a full days' work (it's hard adjusting after 7 months of sleeping in, you know), but I also think that without my knowing it, my metabolism changed yet again without telling me. I mean, just because I am in my thirties DOES NOT give my metabolism the right to not communicate or give ample warning. How dare she. That bitch.

I'm feeling a bit saucy today. Perhaps it's the endorphins that got all riled up from my 1-hour Muscle Max class, or perhaps it's because I had another delightful evening with a good friend-good conversation and good food followed by good sleep. All my anxieties were addressed in the night-time meeting I had with my consciousness and though I am ever-conscious of the ways that I have to go down a certain path to acquire some goals of mine, I have some words and some friends that give me the rejuvenation that I need. And this nifty gym membership.

I forgot how great it is to feel challenged physically-this class reminded me of when I used to take Bikram yoga. That was a good work-out. I'm looking forward to getting back on track and seeing if I really CAN do a triathlon. It's a long way to go from now, I have a hard time finishing three miles at a decent speed in running, but I really still feel very certain that this is something I want to do for myself. Anyhoo, my thoughts have all dried up and I think it is because I am now hungry. Off to lunch!

A viable expression of the moment.

At the moment I am not full of bloggable thoughts so much as full of love and conviction. I am not so full of bloggable thoughts but I am full of the world and of family and of thankfulness and the strong desire to do laundry. I am full of the consternation of wonder, wonder as to the location of my office key-card, which disappeared not two hours ago and wonder as to the future of my love life and my closet. I am not so full of bloggable thoughts but I am full of desire to do well and succeed and to get to this ever-reachable point of financial security and ultimately full of the desire to detach from ever so many nasty petty thoughts that interject themselves into my brain betwixt happy and joyous and thankful. At this moment I am not so full of bloggable thoughts but I am full of faith and fantasy and the certainty that at the moment, I can see the forest for the trees and it is ever so lovely and I am full of the need, the drive, the necessity of bringing this beautiful forest into the vision and sight of those I love most dearly who are currently struggling with the need for a new prescription. I am full of food too, and muscles and fat and veins and blood and most assuredly blessed and infinite spirit that though I cannot touch or taste, is the thing that fills most completely and feels most strongly throughout the moments.
At this moment I am full of many things, many words, many thoughts, many hopes, many dreams and though it seems, outwardly, that I am passive and sitting still, I am full of movement and progression, and if you give me a cup, I'll give you your fill.