Letter to myself, from myself.

Dear Self,

I just wanted to let you know that despite the way things seem right now, they will get better. But it's important to tell you this right now...they will get better because things inevitably do, and then they get worse again. It's the inevitable cycle of growth (we know that), but some of the things that need to get better will NOT get better unless you, yes YOU, do something about it.

See, despite your past, and all the horrible things that happened to you, despite current injustices and things that happened that make it hard for you to believe you are lovable, some of the things that suck are things that ARE within your power to change.

Forget all those bullshit adages that well-meaning yet annoying people spout off to try and make you feel better or feel inspired...."no one will love you until you love you" or "when you stop looking that is when it will happen".....phrases and sayings are often times just bullshit words that only act as a mask to cover up the fact that there is REAL WORK to do here. It's going to be hard. It's going to be hard and yes, you will have to work with some handicaps that other people do not have. Stop looking at those people. Looking at them does not get you to your goal, you do. Those people suck. Sometimes they are fun to hang out with. Leave it at that.

The people you should look at are the ones with handicaps, visible tangible ones, maybe...like that girl who lost her arm and does triathlons anyway. Or that guy who lost his legs and perserveres anyway. Those people do not suck, but they are on tv sometimes and you can watch them.

At the end of the day, and in the beginning, and in the middle, you should be working on taking the next step. Some of those steps will be incredibly painful. Sometimes you will feel ashamed. Some of those steps will be made in anger. But they are steps, and if you keep taking them, the payoff will find you, maybe even before you expect it.

People love you-sometimes they are not good at it. Doesn't mean they suck, just means they are human, like you. Remember that when you are feeling underappreciated at work.

Just keep taking the next step, get the fuck outta bed and have a day. Keep your eyes forward and your legs moving.

Love,
Yourself