blacktrap

I was at the Center for most of the day Saturday for a training session and truth be told, several of us were typical humans gawking when we discovered a speed trap had been set up behind the center on MLK Drive.

We stared, we wondered and pondered. At lunch time, we took a picnic out back and got prime seats to the spectacle. Must be the end of the month quota, we figured. We saw some get arrested (my heart twisted, as it always does, when I see a fellow black person get arrested-no one speaks more accurately and eloquently to this emotion than Joy Leary in her talks about Post Traumatic Slave Syndrome) and we saw cars being confiscated.

I thought no more on it until the next day when I was on the South Side again, different neighborhood, and I was the one who got pulled over. Specifically, me, an eight-year-old, a 1-year-old, and their mother.

Our crime? Making a left hand turn. Was it an illegal left turn? No, in fact, it wasn't. Were we driving erratically? No, not even. What did the cop have to say? When making a left turn, you have to keep driving if you see any cars are coming towards you. (In our case, the cars coming towards us were well over a block away) but you cannot make left handed turns over railroad tracks if cars are coming towards you and you cannot stop either, you can only turn if there are no cars in sight. Or something along those lines. I am not really sure what he was saying.

Unfortunately, the mother did not have her DL on her person (she was driving).It was an interesting exchange and without sharing too close of detail, he was trying to catch her in a lie or incite her emotions and increasingly worse threats were thrown at us and though she started out polite it started to move in another direction. Switching to "sales/customerserviceperson deals with a possible disastrous situation" mode, I played a bit female dumb, addressed him "Well, officer, I'm just not sure we understand just exactly what it is you are trying to say to us." To which he puffed up a bit and proceeded to explain again about the not turning, and even though he did not make any sense still, I nodded when he expected me to nod and he smiled and said, "well ladies, I'm not going to give you a ticket this time but..."

(I mention the sales thing only because I learned that even when you think you are right, agreeing with a person when they tell you you are wrong and asking them to explain what they mean to you and then being attentive while they speak is an extremely effective tool in retaining business, getting more business, and getting an angry person to not be angry anymore. Sincerity is essential of course, but it took me three years to put my pride aside and do this well and it's been very helpful ever since-but I realized when I became a Bahai that this also could be seen as being loving..making a concious decision to be loving even when it goes against your immediate emotion and reaction..)


Afterwards, when the craziness of the move (we were moving them to their new home on the South Side) subsided, and she drove me home after we found her DL amongst boxes and bags, we discussed the incident.

We talked about the fact that something like a speed trap that intense is just not seen on the north side of Chicago, about this perhaps being someone's way of quelling crime in the so-called 'crime-infested' neighborhoods of the city--although to me that's like putting a bandaid on a scrape when both your legs broken.

We talked about a well familiar anger and attitude that so many of my peers and family have towards the police for the profiling and the injustices they have experienced over the years. We talked about how most members of her family had been beat down at least once by police in Mpls. And though she insisted- part of me did not want to believe it.

The other part of me was like, ok, but we live in this world. We know this happens. What can we do within our power to fight it and stop it? She and I talked about whether it is ever beneficial to let someone know they are mean and hurtful (a-holes) and if by saying such things is that just you sticking up for yourself? If you speak up or show anger is that pride and not getting all walked-over? How important is it to not get walked over?


We talked about turning the other cheek and about how it has to start somewhere and that anger and powerlessness with police could always be channeled into volunteer work and numerous other activities.....we talked about how ENDLESSLY hard that would be-to turn the other cheek and not sort of talk back, if you will.

She told me I live in a fantasy world. But what I thought about was this-how many people in the world feel hopeless and powerless? How many are driven to hurt others out of a genuine belief that that is the only way to protect themselves? How? And Abdu'l Baha's words rang through my mind and I found this letter which is more about war, but isn't it a war on the streets we experience? not in the same vein perhaps, but in the end it is people stepping on others to gain things that are not becoming to us....

Abdu’l-Bahá said:
I hope you are all happy and well. I am not happy, but very sad. The news of the Battle of Benghazi grieves my heart. I wonder at the human savagery that still exists in the world! How is it possible for men to fight from morning until evening, killing each other, shedding the blood of their fellow-men: And for what object? To gain possession of a part of the earth! Even the animals, when they fight, have an immediate and more reasonable cause for their attacks! How terrible it is that men, who are of the higher kingdom, can descend to slaying and bringing misery to their fellow-beings, for the possession of a tract of land!
The highest of created beings fighting to obtain the lowest form of matter, earth! Land belongs not to one people, but to all people. This earth is not man’s home, but his tomb. It is for their tombs these men are fighting. There is nothing so horrible in this world as the tomb, the abode of the decaying bodies of men.
However great the conqueror, however many countries he may reduce to slavery, he is unable to retain any part of these devastated lands but one tiny portion—his tomb! If more land is required for the improvement of the condition of the people, for the spread of civilization (for the substitution of just laws for brutal customs)—surely it would be possible to 29 acquire peaceably the necessary extension of territory.
But war is made for the satisfaction of men’s ambition; for the sake of worldly gain to the few, terrible misery is brought to numberless homes, breaking the hearts of hundreds of men and women!
How many widows mourn their husbands, how many stories of savage cruelty do we hear! How many little orphaned children are crying for their dead fathers, how many women are weeping for their slain sons!
There is nothing so heart-breaking and terrible as an outburst of human savagery!
I charge you all that each one of you concentrate all the thoughts of your heart on love and unity. When a thought of war comes, oppose it by a stronger thought of peace. A thought of hatred must be destroyed by a more powerful thought of love. Thoughts of war bring destruction to all harmony, well-being, restfulness and content.
Thoughts of love are constructive of brotherhood, peace, friendship, and happiness.
When soldiers of the world draw their swords to kill, soldiers of God clasp each other’s hands! So may all the savagery of man disappear by the Mercy of God, working through the pure in heart and the sincere of soul. Do not think the peace of the world an ideal impossible to attain!
Nothing is impossible to the Divine Benevolence of God.
If you desire with all your heart, friendship with every race on earth, your thought, spiritual and positive, will spread; it will become the desire of others, growing stronger and stronger, until it reaches the minds of all men.
Do not despair! Work steadily. Sincerity and love will conquer hate. How many seemingly impossible events are coming to pass in these days! Set your faces steadily towards the Light of the World. Show love to all; ‘Love is the breath of the Holy Spirit in the heart of Man’. Take courage! God never forsakes His children who strive and work and pray! Let your hearts be filled with the strenuous desire that tranquillity and harmony may encircle all this warring world. So will success crown your efforts, and with the universal brotherhood will come the Kingdom of God in peace and goodwill.
In this room today are members of many races, French, American, English, German, Italian, brothers and sisters meeting in friendship and harmony! Let this gathering be a foreshadowing of what will, in very truth, take place in this world, when every child of God realizes that they are leaves of one tree, flowers in one garden, drops in one ocean, and sons and daughters of one Father, whose name is love!

In case you were wondering about cheese....

I've recently learned that Michigan specializes in cottage cheese, Ohio specializes in Swiss cheese, and Illinois mostly dabbles in Ricotta and Italian cheeses (hmm, pizza, anyone?).

Yes folks, all told, I have called nearly 300 companies on the search....the search for cheese.

I still need to hit up California and Texas...I have at least 100 more companies to peruse. And it's quite entertaining really, to hear folks talk about their beloved cheese. And it's hard work before lunch time.

i feel so unused

i got up early this morning to get all these things out of the way to prepare for my doctors appointment and my evening study circle and my terribly busy short work day. now both have been canceled and I got all my work done and I have nothing to do tonight and I feel so.....foiled. I am trying to think of someone to call to hang out with me tonight so I can fill in the gap but no one who is free comes to mind....grr. are you ever so busy that you feel wrong when your schedule opens up? that is me now.

tracing back and looking forward

I just spent the last few minutes glancing over my blog, which is going on 4 years old. And, just as with the diaries I used to keep when I was younger, you can tell when looking through it: I'VE GROWN. Very distinctly grown, my writing voice is consistent but the things I concerned myself with then, the fears I struggled with and overcame are very apparent and I love that about writing. Snapshots of days gone by that serve to remind you of your resilience, strength, and your mistakes, nothing like that to keep you humble. Anger and frustration, sadness and loss, and of course, pure joy. Ok moving on, just a bit nostalgic.

I just noticed that I have been spending more time with mothers in the past 6 months than I have with pretty much anyone else, except my married friend Kiyomi. Rather than make me depressed and anxious, it is relaxing and delightful.

On the flip side, I went to a club a couple of weeks ago to support a single friend who was promoting a new event and realized that that part of my life is really over-I just no longer see the point in going to clubs. I still enjoy dancing and would be willing to sacrifice my growing distaste for the environment for a bit of getting down with my girlfriends, but I am by no means intending to seek it out like that again.

While I was there I spent the entire time talking to a young man (who was trying ask me out) about how I was waiting to meet my husband and about chilren's classes and about the Faith and etc.

Surprisingly, he did not run away screaming but he did make a polite exit after I made it clear that I was closer to 30 than he was to the beer he was drinking. I wasn't awful, but I did break all the rules of club socializing. And more importantly-I didn't care!

(By the way, what is it about some women that when they see a man talking to you they automatically assume you will go out with him? It's like some unspoken assumption, that if a man finds you attractive you must find a way to like him back and if you don't, you are a snob or too picky-are we really that mind-warped, my friends?)

I spoke with my platonic soul mate and sister from another mother, in Haifa, last week and she announced that she too, is feeling the way I am feeling about our futures. It took her awhile and I think she thought maybe it would never happen....but she was happy about it. I tried to make a joke about it but the thousands of miles between us made it not too funny-the point is, I know what I want and she does too and we are not fearful of our future or our capabilities.

I am also not really distrustful that I won't get what I want exactly. Positive thinking does wonders in that department. I've shed the things in my life that are not conducive to what I want and I think that is part of the process, really. But anyhoo, that being said-

This is a good place to stop the ramble, I think.

my new favorite quote

"Strain every nerve to acquire both inner and outer perfections, for the fruit of the human tree hath ever been and will ever be perfections both within and without. It is not desirable that a man be left without knowledge or skills, for he is then but a barren tree. Then, so much as capacity and capability allow, ye needs must deck the tree of being with fruits such as knowledge, wisdom, spiritual perception and eloquent speech."
-Baha'u'llah

And as my mentor so dubiously pointed out when we were studying this quote-we must strain EVERY nerve to acquire both inner and outer perfections. Straining EVERY nerve implies just how hard one must work to do this and at all times, too. I also like the part where it says inner and outer perfections. To me that means spiritual and physical and mental etc......which is why I started running.

OK well not entirely why, but I am certainly committed at this time in my life to attaining better physical health. I am going to the dentist for the first time in seven years. Aack! I've been avoiding it but no longer! And also the running. I have a woman who is helping me put together a running schedule. I started to get shin splints the other day but managed to do some things to avoid the debacle. Today, for the third time this week, I am going to run two miles before I go off to a wonderful event where I will be blessed to spend time with other wonderful people and vote for wonderful people for a wonderful cause. YAY!

In other news, some of the people I have attempted to contact this week have returned my calls and emails, others haven't. Grr. They better recognize! No one avoids me, NO ONE! Ima call them agin, you know what I'm saying?

get er done

Why is it I am always so much more effective at getting things done when I have little time and lots to do then when the opposite? I thrive off busyness. But become slightly sluggish when there is time to spare.

Last night on my way home from work I made like a thousand phone calls 'taking care of business' and today I tried to tie up the loose ends. I did the IL portion of my taxes on lunch and in a moment I am whizzing off to a B4 study session, tomorrow I plan the reflection meeting, thursday laundry, friday voting, saturday field trip with the kids and sunday reflection meeting, not to mention work and the fact that I have to go running at least 3 more times this week.

But I am happy and content, if not a little anxious that the people I contacted (the ball is in their court) get back to me soon....

Anyway one thing I have learned about myself is that I am persistent and annoying. Ok re-phrase that. My last job and my current job have developed in me a shameless aggression (my journalistic roots reveal themselves) in making sure I get the information I need. I call people ALL DAY requesting information. And most people, best friends included, can be 'distracted' and forgetful about returning calls and returning requested information. And many people (not sales people or journalists) seem to feel it is a bit rude to persist and keep calling someone when they've already left a message.

This is why sometimes some things never get done. Good intentions fall by the wayside with busy lives......my sales skill helps me to push it like I need to at work. My customer service/friendship side helps me to plead with shameless dignity to my friends....


Anyway, part of me feels a bit guilty at my pushiness. I think I will manage to accomplish certain feats (one website development comes to mind) that have been waited for and longed for. Anyway...that is all

TURTLES!

I belong to the Turtle Clan of the Ojibwe tribe. I'm not kidding. That bit of knowledge and the online 'family tree' I found a couple of months ago represents the majority of cultural knowledge I possess about that half of my chemical makeup. Oh, Booshoo is hello in Ojibwe.

But I say this all not because I am hankering to investigate or even emunerate. (is that a word? geez) But only because my twin brother is obsessed with turtles (they represent wisdom in my culture) and he has about a thousand strewn about his home and I have the good luck of taking care of two very live and very charming turtles this week while their adoptive parents are away.

I am about to go hang out with Michelangelo and Leonardo? I hope to goodness the names are right...these guys are not teenage but I've seen some pretty ninja-like moves over the last couple of days and I'm quite enjoying them a lot. (I'm also quite taken with the British accent of my co-workers and seem to have found a way to work their wording, if not their tone, into my writing....they would be having a bit of laugh at me if they knew...)