I just spent the last few minutes glancing over my blog, which is going on 4 years old. And, just as with the diaries I used to keep when I was younger, you can tell when looking through it: I'VE GROWN. Very distinctly grown, my writing voice is consistent but the things I concerned myself with then, the fears I struggled with and overcame are very apparent and I love that about writing. Snapshots of days gone by that serve to remind you of your resilience, strength, and your mistakes, nothing like that to keep you humble. Anger and frustration, sadness and loss, and of course, pure joy. Ok moving on, just a bit nostalgic.
I just noticed that I have been spending more time with mothers in the past 6 months than I have with pretty much anyone else, except my married friend Kiyomi. Rather than make me depressed and anxious, it is relaxing and delightful.
On the flip side, I went to a club a couple of weeks ago to support a single friend who was promoting a new event and realized that that part of my life is really over-I just no longer see the point in going to clubs. I still enjoy dancing and would be willing to sacrifice my growing distaste for the environment for a bit of getting down with my girlfriends, but I am by no means intending to seek it out like that again.
While I was there I spent the entire time talking to a young man (who was trying ask me out) about how I was waiting to meet my husband and about chilren's classes and about the Faith and etc.
Surprisingly, he did not run away screaming but he did make a polite exit after I made it clear that I was closer to 30 than he was to the beer he was drinking. I wasn't awful, but I did break all the rules of club socializing. And more importantly-I didn't care!
(By the way, what is it about some women that when they see a man talking to you they automatically assume you will go out with him? It's like some unspoken assumption, that if a man finds you attractive you must find a way to like him back and if you don't, you are a snob or too picky-are we really that mind-warped, my friends?)
I spoke with my platonic soul mate and sister from another mother, in Haifa, last week and she announced that she too, is feeling the way I am feeling about our futures. It took her awhile and I think she thought maybe it would never happen....but she was happy about it. I tried to make a joke about it but the thousands of miles between us made it not too funny-the point is, I know what I want and she does too and we are not fearful of our future or our capabilities.
I am also not really distrustful that I won't get what I want exactly. Positive thinking does wonders in that department. I've shed the things in my life that are not conducive to what I want and I think that is part of the process, really. But anyhoo, that being said-
This is a good place to stop the ramble, I think.
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