No Pity

I have heard several times over the years and once just recently from people of the male persuasion that it is unfair that women can 'wear whatever they want' to work. Specifically I have heard the complaint that women can wear flip flops and open-toed shoes when men are limited to sweaty uncomfortable shoes. Let me just elaborate what I am really hearing: "Wah, wah!"

For realz tho, all jest and jibes aside, for a long time I maintained to these men, when they would listen, that women wear comfortable flip flops to work and then change into uncomfortable shoes when they get there. So they still had nothing to complain about. I had one gentleman insist that this 'changing of the shoes' did not happen but since he was being belligerant I chose not to pay him any mind. I admit I got a little prideful and self-righteous without ever really exploring the issue, just fearlessly defending my sisters when the subject arose. Never, I would insist to a man, would you actually SEE someone wearing those hideous flip flop heels to work and try to pass them off as professional! But then, alas, a colleague of mine, whose fashion sense I respect, came in the other day with a really sharp business suit on and those flip flop sandals. Her pants were so long that it really looked like plain ole' flips and I was mildly appalled and humbled at my previous attempts to defend my sex. I made as polite a mention as I could about the shoes and she affirmed rather confidantly that they were heels so they 'counted'.

Far be it from me to try and determine where the line should be drawn when contemplating business attire, business casual and casual. It really is different from place to place; my current place of employment is 'business casual'. There are plenty of websites that will lay it out for you but each site is slightly different and honestly, there are different standards. But thinking in particular about a complaint one guy made about not being able to wear shorts when women wore skirts all the time, a visual image appeared in my head and several things crept into my awareness at once.

1. It would look ridiculous to me if a guy suddenly started wearing shorts, no matter how nicely pressed, to work.
2. It does not look ridiculous to me if a gal wears shorts or a skirt, if nicely pressed.
3. All of the items women wear that are supposedly unfairly more comfortable, are also more revealing.
4. We all are used to women revealing their bodies more than men.
5. It is expected in this society that a woman would/should/want to reveal her body and be on display.
6. It looks weird when a guy does it because we, as a society, are not currently in the habit of viewing men's bodies as something for materialistic/animalistic appreciation, or rather, objectifying them.

For a woman, it seems part and parcel that we show a little skin, so much so that even a nice ensemble that covers most of the body but reveals a little view of skin is even noted and commented on. If a man were to wear a suit and say, role up his sleeves, we would never say, oh how sexy and smart! I am not bashing clothes here, or rather, that is not my intention. I enjoy being a woman and I do not think we should let what others are taught reflect on our self image.

I live in my own special world where I try to balance an awareness of how I am perceived with my own sense of self worth, and where I try to stay mindful of the fact that I exist in a world of others where what I do, say and wear can impact and influence others. I can also accept that what I wear may spark an action that, though I am not responsible for, can influence me positivly or negatively.

But what it comes down to is that I have no pity for the complaining man, and I know exactly why. If you, oh sad and mournful gentleman, would like to trade us up for objectification, second class citizenship and overall demeaning and widely accepted views of womanness and womanhood, then perhaps I will let you complain about not wearing flip flops to work. Either way, since this is not meant as a man-bashing, 'who has it worse' kind of thing, I forgive you. It sucks for you in other ways I am sure, and we can talk about it later if you want. But I would like to close the book on this chapter.